Timing
by kettlemaniac
Summary: Phil finds something about himself that could ruin his and Dan's friendship. Dan finds love and fails to notice the change in Phil. Will they find happiness in the end? More importantly, will they find it with one another? WARNING: Sadness. Sex. Weirdness. All of the things we love in Phanfiction. PHAN.
1. Scissors?

Timing.

Phil's POV

Phil was sleeping peacefully one night and in his head was visited by one very seductive friend of his.

_I was watching adventure time in the living room when I heard a very distinct groan come from the bathroom._

_In deciding to investigate, I lifted myself from the sofa and headed in the direction of our main bathroom. My name was being said in a hushed whisper and I could hear my own voice as well. My mind told me it was best to leave it but I was curious to know what was inside the bathroom. I felt like I should have known what was inside before or if I didn't to at least knock but I barged in to find half naked Dan wearing cut up clothes and touching himself in front of his Iphone...on the floor. _

_WTF?_

_I felt my jeans getting tighter and willed my erection to go down. It wasn't working and Dan noticed I was there. When realising I was aroused, he smirked...cunningly? He was freaking me out but my friend still seemed to get sexier by the second. Oh god._

_It was then I realised that he was watching the first 'Phil is no on fire' video. Then I noticed he was getting up from the floor. The closer he got to me, the more of his tattered clothing fell off. Soon he was just left in slitted boxers and untouched socks._

_He was standing directly in front of me shortly and leaned in (making me blush) to whisper in my ear..._

"PHIL! WAKE UP!" I woke up startled and embarrassed about my dream. Even more humiliated by the fact that there was a wet patch in my boxers (I mean, I'm not a fourteen year old,I'm a grown man) and my friend, who I dreamt about, was knocking on my door and shouting.

"Coming!" Why did I say that? This is making me feel even more awkward.

_Why the fuck was this happening now? Why was it happening to me? I've only fancied another male once and that was just phase from when I was thirteen._

I get changed into a different pair of bottoms and leave my room to find a fully dressed Dan in the kitchen eating some sort of cereal.

"Remind me of the point of waking me up at 10:30 again?" As far as I knew we didn't have any obligations today.

"Your going to Manchester today." This was the first I'd heard. What was he talking about?

"I don't remember making those plans...why am I going to Manchester?" Maybe I was forgetting something, I can't be expected to remember everything.

"Your not I just wanted to make you doubt yourself. Can't start the morning without instantly destroying your friend's hope for the day." Something sounded a little too evil there but who cares. His dimples were showing. Dimples are never too demonic.

"Na, kidding, I thought I'd wake you up a bit more by telling you that you planned to travel half across the country today. Did my plan work?" It worked, I won't deny him his victory.

"You are a smart one boy." I said in a crediting tone. " Thanks." I switched my tone to a more cheerful one before grabbing my own cereal before joining Dan for breakfast in the living room. This was about to be a good day. Unless I fall asleep and dream about him again on the sofa. I'll pray for that not to happen.

About two hours later...

Dan's POV.

I was sat in my room watching random youtube videos when I heard an extremely loud door slam.

_What?_

In going to investigate the strange occurrence, I left the comfort of my desk and headed toward the living room.

"Phil?" I prayed there wasn't some murderer in our house and Phil would be the one to answer me. However he wasn't and I headed toward the front door to find a note.

_DAN._

_Just went to poison my liver with some friends._

_Sorry you weren't invited, they don't know you. It's weird to drink with strangers._

_Seeya!_

Surprised that I could actually read his terrible handwriting, I decided to go back to my sacred youtube before being hit with the sudden craving for a Starbucks coffee. Going out alone was a strange situation but sometimes a savoured one. Might as well take advantage of Phil's lonesome partying and make a quick stop at the coffee shop.

I quickly dressed in black jeans and my wildcats shirt. Then I was reminded by the rain outside the window that I live in England and will definitely need a provider of warmth before braving the outside world.

Two minutes later I was clad in a jacket, jumper and my previously mentioned shirt. My black converse completing the outfit for me. I left after shutting down the mac and journeyed to the building I desired to enter.

When he got there.

Still Dan's POV.

The warmth that enveloped me when I entered the sacred Starbucks was much appreciated after walking in the ice-cold air.

_God, I love the UK._

Then, I was grateful for the female race as when I looked up my heart literally skipped a beat. Right in the middle of the line at the counter was an average sized woman with caramel coloured hair and green eyes, chatting to a less breath taking male friend. I couldn't hear what she was saying but I was picturing her voice before I was caught staring from her unhappy friend.

His pissed off expression didn't phase my lovestruck attitude as I approached the back of the line with her eyes constantly making their way into my thoughts.

After buying his chosen coffee; in the waiting zone.

Whilst I was waiting for my coffee, the pretty girl came to stand next me, obviously unhappy with her order.

"Hey, excuse me? I really don't want to be rude but...you kind of gave me the completely wrong order..." She stated to the service with a stern but kind tone.

The man working the counter apologised whilst giving me my coffee and once again taking her order. I stayed at that spot longer that I should have as I just took in her image whilst she gave him her order and waited. He brought her the order and I was still standing there for some unknown reason like some perv.

Fortunately I was given some purpose when he started asking her for payment even though he messed up the job. Luckily, I had some knowledge of law that didn't apply to this situation but I could pretend that it did.

I chimed in with, "She shouldn't have to pay for your mistake. That's ridiculous." and she smiled my way.

_Intruding in other people's business did get you gratitude? Who knew?_

Unfortunately though, my intrusion had no effect and he said something about how there aren't any refunds or free drinks. However I needed something to help me redeem myself so I offered to pay for her new drink. She tried to stop me but I insisted and won the battle of paying for her new coffee.

Now was the time for me to put on the charm.

Before she left to sit with her friend I stopped her with a very reasonable question for an obviously lonely stranger.

"Can I sit with you?" When a straight answer wasn't given and her eyes drifted to the man sitting at her table, I'd given up hope completely.

But then she said with a hint of uncertainty and a smile, "Sure. Why not?"

So I followed her to the table, all the way getting dirty looks from her follower.

Cool kid Dan. What a way with the ladies. I'm sorry about the lack real Phan but be patient, this is going to be an emotional roller-coaster. I hope the dream wasn't too weird, I just wanted it to be the start of Phil's dream chronicles. They will all include some messed up stuff. Not Kittens and Steamrollers messed but pretty bad.


	2. Mabel

Hello there. Here's a new chapter. I'm not really that good at updating on a schedule so chapters will just randomly appear.

Dan's POV.

"So what's you guys' names?" I aimed the question at both the spectacular specimen of the female species, and the grumpy male (just to be polite). I kind of just wanted to know whether Miss. Mystery was available.

"I'm Mabel, I was born in the fifties but was bitten by a vampire and was granted eternal youth despite my name making it obvious that I'm really sixty." She said in a joking tone and smiled at me. I chuckled before looking to her companion. He was actually pretty scrawny and had a shaved head with light stubble.

Mabel spoke for him. "He won't answer, he's had a bad week and strangers irritate him." He looked at the table, glaring.

_Maybe he's friend zoned by Mabel, that would explain hating me. _

Deciding to pass on the silence and speak directly to the prettier of the two, I started asking some general "stranger" questions. "So, what is this guy's name?"

_Use a recent topic and roll with it, smooth move Dan._

"Jim. Our parents have a thing for old names." Jim is her brother then. Which hopefully makes her available for asking on a date. Maybe staying in all of the time with your best friend and the internet was a little unhealthy. Romance is something everyone needs so I might as well go for it.

"Really, well, my name is Dan. Nice to meet you two." I put my hand out for her to shake and she did. When holding it out for Jim though, He glared at me and kept his hands in his lap.

_Who wants to shake his hand anyway._

"So, do you have a job?" A basic question was the key to future date gaining.

_I think, it has been a while..._

She replied. "Yes. Yes I do." Ha. Concealing information was a clear indication of playing hard to get.

_Right?I'm not really that sure._

Awkwardly I continued the conversation. "Um...what do you do?" I took a sip of coffee. Basking in the varying tastes.

"I design t-shirts for a website. It doesn't pay that well but it's enough for rent and a few meals here and there." After also taking a gulp of coffee, she followed on. "What about you mister skinny jeans?" I laughed.

"I'm a You tuber." Then she giggled and her friend smiled. This offended me a little. "I'm serious, that's how _I_ pay the rent."

Her chuckling stopped after a minute and she started speaking again. "Sorry, it's just that we used to know a "You tuber" and he was an idiot. I don't know what his viewers saw in him, he wasn't a nice bloke. Luckily he lost his partnership when he punched a fan in the face." She giggled once again.

_That laugh..._

This conversation just turned slightly awkward as the man she was talking about was a close friend of mine even though I hadn't seen him in months because he hates me and Phil now, I still felt wrong discussing a friend's failure. Despite them sending me insulting tweets every now and then.

_Dick head._

"Oh yeah, I heard about that. Poor victim had a broken nose I think." For some reason at that point I started laughing myself. Whilst blushing from making myself look like a weirdo in front of this beautiful lady. I hoped to God that she was kind enough to look past my psycho giggling and still give me her phone number. Even if her brother looked like he was going to call the police.

Maybe there was a God though because she just smiled at me and started chuckling herself and not even awkwardly. Plus I managed to control my humorous seizure and when her laughing ceased (not caring about her brother sitting right next to us) we gazed into the other's eyes and assessed each other's irises, trying desperately to share our thoughts with one stare before the sound of chair screeching across the floor disrupted our admiring of each other. I looked up to find Mabel's sibling trudging out of the restaurant.

_Does this mean she's going to leave me as well. I better work quickly to win her number._

However she only glanced at the exit briefly before smiling in my direction. Maybe being alone was what she wanted.

_Gorgeous and smart... I think I'm going to faint._

Taking the initiative, I smirked back and charmingly as possible and restarted our conversation.

"So...how old are you?" Oh no, I just asked a girl the forbidden question. Well maybe it only applies as rude if the woman looks old.

She answered with no issues. "Twenty-five and last week. And you?" She also smirked.

"Twenty-one and a half." Confusion disrupted my positive features as she laughed. Luckily her giggling ceased soon but I was still a little insulted.

_I know that I haven't had a girlfriend in a while but I don't think potential dates are supposed to laugh at you..._

An explanation was soon given and my heart put to rest. "Sorry, it's just that...that, I thought you looked like seventeen. I'm glad your not. I wouldn't want to fancy some toy-boy." In realising what she just said her bubbly and confident attitude seemed to fade quickly and she blushed, unable to excuse what just came out of her mouth.

She was so lucky that she forced my heart to blast through my lungs when I'd first laid eyes on her. Otherwise this would be one awkward situation.

I sent an approving smirk at her followed with a few romantic words to break the new found ice between us. "I'm not glad that I'm not seventeen, the whole having an older woman fancying me would have made me look a lo cooler than I was. But if I was seventeen then I don't think I would be very good at wooing you with my charms." I feigned arrogance as I gave her my most content smile.

A small laugh escaped her lips as she bared her pearly white teeth in a child like grin. It was as if she'd gotten a new toy. I really hope I was her new toy. Not in that way.

_Well...maybe a little bit in 'that way' but come on?_

Words escaped her lips and those words made my heart sing (in manliest way possible).

"So, Dan, do you want to join me for coffee again sometime? Maybe not a Starbucks though. I'd much rather set our first date in one of the hipster cafés in town." Her voice was hopeful but still unsure. "What do you think?"

Maybe I seemed a little too eager but I think when I nodded, my enthusiasm was so intense that I'm pretty sure some of my brain collapsed. Beneficial to me though, she just nodded herself slowly and smiled. Her face radiant with happiness and anticipation.

"Okay then, Dan. I'll give you my number and you text me when you want to bless me with your godly presence." She stood up, leaned over to kiss me on the cheek before slipping a business card into my palm. "Seeya!"

Then I was alone in a crowded Starbucks so after ten minutes of awkwardly sipping my coffee, I got up and left. Straight to the house for date practising. Lucky I was alone in the house, I can watch dating shows until my heart explodes.

Phil's POV

23: 00.

"Um, guys, I'm kind of confused, weren't we supposed to be drinking. You literally messaged me saying that our livers were to be punished tonight after a day of films and food. But I didn't realise we'd be poisoning our liver with lemonade." My three companions, Derek, Trev and Sam were staring at me as if I'd burned their houses down.

(A/N If you haven't realised, I'm not going to be adding random You tubers into this Fan fiction so I made some )

"Phil, we can't just sit here chugging Vodka, guests are coming over and until the party starts, no one is drinking." Trev sighed and downed his lemonade.

_Hardcore._

I looked at the time and decided that there wasn't a point in waiting, these guys were getting on my nerves so perhaps it was time for old Philip to make his way home. Yes, I should definitely leave these idiots.

"Well I'm leaving, I have eyes to rest and real alcohol to drink." I waved before turning to grab and put on my coat. In leaving I listened to shouts of my friends as I exited from their homes to head back to Dan.

_I wander what he did today without me? _

A/N: What's up everyone? Review if you want to. I really hope you enjoyed, I was having trouble when writing about Dan and Mabel. I didn't know whether to make him a smooth operator or nervous and awkward guy when talking to her so I just combined the two.


	3. Coping?

A/N: Hello there! I'm hoping to make his fan fiction a weekly thing after all. Though, there may be random new chapters here and there when I'm bored and I have a sudden urge to write a whole chapter but also keep you anticipating the next one rather than posting two in one day. That takes all of the fun out of reading. If you can't be flaming authors for writing cliff hangers, then what can you do?

**Phil's POV**

I'd gotten home in about twenty minutes and was surprisingly disappointed that I wasn't hammered like I'd wanted to be. It wasn't like I was drowning out my new found potential attraction to men. The possibility of getting drunk just made me think that there was also a chance to be social for once instead of spending all my time with Dan.

Anyway, when pushing open the door to our house, I was practically tackled by an extremely cheery Dan Howell. He let go of me after a few seconds and I closed the front door. To my surprise, my face was quite hot.

_Weird._

"Um...Dan, not to be a grouch but why are you so happy?" My friend lead us to the living room before sitting down on the sofa, me following his actions, and proceeded to grab his Iphone from the coffee table before showing me his contacts.

"I met a girl. A really cool girl who doesn't have any aggressive brothers, just moody ones!" His face was bright and his words came out fast and excitedly. "Wait, why are you not drunk, you seemed to have left like ten hours ago. You didn't have one drink at all with your friends. They must be boring." He said in a humoured tone. I nodded simply as all of my time spent in Trev's house, I didn't laugh once.

"Yeah, enough about the norms of the world. Back to this girl, think she likes you?" I was trying to get more information out of him to make myself feel a little less awkward as images from my dream kept coming to mind.

_Nice timing hormones. Great to know I'm still a teenager._

Unfortunately it was working. I couldn't focus as Dan was making some joke and referencing to his image as some socially inept man.

"Mabel has this grumpy ass brother who seriously does not like me. She seemed to smile at me a lot so maybe I have a chance and I did buy her coffee." Maybe that was the right time to put in my sort-of experienced input. This Mabel better really like Dan because the advice I was going to give, would make him look like an idiot.

"Well, probably unless she is some sort of coffee digger and will come to our house to eat the coffee granules for free, straight from the tub." I made eating (cannibalistic frenzy) motions with my hands. "You really have to watch or for girls like that these days." He smiled. "I mean, I'm pretty sure that one of the girls I've dated before was using me to get to Lion. Now that was insulting." He chuckled before asking me a question a jokingly one.

"And what woman would that be _single _Phil?" He poked my head before smiling but the statement got me delving a little too much into my mind. Little conspiracies of the Phil's mind government were making themselves known and the previous thoughts that were present in my mind due to my (slightly) erotic dream once again appearing.

I hadn't brought a girlfriend here or anywhere in almost two years. Maybe my shyness had something to do with it but two years is a long time. It's probably because all of the You Tube priorities. I mean, it takes dedication. However I've been on You Tube for way longer than two years and my dating has never been affected this much.

Dan broke me out of my restraining thoughts when he was suddenly in the kitchen asking me (shouting) if I wanted a tea. I yelled back a "Yes!"as a reply before deciding to turn on the TV. I found the new Walking Dead season on our planner and put it on just as Dan walking in with two cups of tea.

As he set down the cups onto the coffee table in front of me, I took the opportunity to look him over and was ashamed when he looked up before I'd looked away and he's plopped himself down next to me. I realised that I'd been almost checking my friend out. Not only that but performing this action whilst he was just doing something completely innocent.

If this was what my thoughts would be like forever, maybe it would be quite hard to get used to but not only that, how will I deal with having to live with him if days like this repeated themselves regularly?

Waking up from dreams of him naked in our bathroom or even worse to be followed with me holding myself back from tackling him to the ground every minutes. Feelings and routines like this can't just be spontaneous, maybe today was just one of those days for me. One where certain things come to light. When I develop slight attraction to a friend only to realise I'm a homosexual.

After all, the day you start is always the day of the most immense feeling and uncontrollable feelings. This could be a one off. These emotions and this irritating desire may come back to me occasionally and maybe follow on to escalate. If that were to happen then I'm screwed but initial attraction hits you hard every time when it's for someone who you're already closely.

The process of any feelings colliding create some sort of breakdown at first. Therefore I can't worry, Dan s my friend. He's a man who's pretty good looking, we're close so when I find I'm having homoerotic thoughts it sort of makes sense that the will be about him. Just a way of coping...

_Right?_

At that moment, I was interrupted by Dan telling me to "Stop daydreaming or you'll miss the whole thing." I did what he said and ceased to get lost in my spiralling thoughts from then on but when deciding to sleep...I wasn't so lucky.

This time my dream started off with a little more normality as it was just of me sitting on the sofa waiting for Dan to finish off dinner. He came in with some soup and buttered bread.

Okay, the soup for dinner thing was kind of strange but it was only a dream.

**When we had finished our meals, Dan stood up and proceeded to grab my bowl as well as his before heading toward the kitchen. He came back quickly, sitting down next to me on the sofa (practically on my lap). None of us moved and the TV wasn't on. Suddenly he leaned towards my face and kissed my cheek. Then nuzzling my neck, he purred. **

"**You know Phil, that soup kind of made me tired, tired enough for an early night..." He lifted his head up to wink at me before going to his bedroom. Suddenly, I found myself to be more aroused than something like that should have made me. I stood up and proceeded to walk toward his bedroom myself.**

**When I'd arrived inside, the sight before caused heat to engulf my body and my erection to get a lot worse.**

**There before me on his bed, which was scarce of any sheeting, was a stark naked Daniel Howell laying side ways before me adorning the cockiest smirk that I'd ever seen upon his face. Now he didn't look so tired. In fact, he looked upbeat. Extra emphasis on the 'up' (if you get my drift).**

_**How can someone get undressed that quickly?**_

**At this point Dan had stood up and was slowly moving towards me, staring into my eyes. Undressing me with them. **

**I couldn't help looking at him from head to toe repeatedly. His body was just that perfect. When he was standing directly in front of me, he moved his hands to my hips before slamming our hips together. Igniting a moan from me. As the sound passed my lips, his mouth touched mine and after a second of hesitance, we moved together, the passion rising with each second. Our hips still occasionally meeting.**

**After the kiss got too heated for us handle, we moved to the bed, me pushing him on his back. Dan reached for the hem of my T-shirt and proceeded to lift my clothing. Our lips broke apart for it to be removed fully and we worked together in removing my skinny jeans. Them being even tighter now because of our activities.**

**I was soon clad in just my mismatched socks and our naked bodies were pressed together, our kiss still in full motion. Occasionally phrases and words escaped our lips during breaths. **

**Only three words got my attention truly now though.**

"**I love you..."**

It was a breathy confession that passed from my mouth and it was then that I awoke in confusion and embarrassment when I realised once again that I had once again experienced a wet dream about my best friend.

I was sitting up in bed and when I looked to the window I saw darkness. Waking up in the middle of the night is bad enough without having to wake up to a dream like that and with the distinct memory of me admitting my love during the scene. I'd had two days of being attracted to someone and now I was in love. This was ridiculous.

If this was a way of coping, I'd rather just face the brunt of the problem first hand. My friendship can't be ruined and I can't be plagued with feelings like his for someone like Dan. This brings new meaning to the term 'friend zone'.

Sure, Dan has admitted to me that he is bisexual and I have witnessed him kiss both sexes when he's been hammered. Unfortunately though, we're friends and this is wrong.

A/N Are the chapters getting longer or is it just me?


	4. Attraction and Insecurities

A/N: Hey there! Here's another chapter and I don't want to rush this story but I also don't want the events be too unrealistic.

So, here we go!

Set a week after Phil's last Phan dream.

Dan's POV

_I think I'm in love._

Mabel and I were sitting on her sofa playing Mario Kart 64 together when I was unable to stop myself from looking into her eyes intensely after once again being beaten into the ground at the game but at that moment, I was infatuated with her victorious smile and cocky laughing.

"Oh! How do you like that then?" She looked at me with a breath taking smile gracing her lips. We'd only known each other for a week and we'd shared only three official dates (this being the third) but it felt like I had known her for years and as cheesy as it sounds, I think I'm generally in love.

After realising that during my reverie Mabel had been expecting some sarcastic or witty response, I replied with a charming smile and a reasonable but flattering excuse."That isn't fair, how the hell am I supposed to focus on playing when I have this beautiful girl sat beside me?"Those words leaving my mouth would be one statement for me to never repeat. That was sickening.

I blushed and looked away.

Then I heard her laughing...a lot. My face was getting darker by he second and eventually she simmered down and reduced her constant giggling to calm breathes.

"I'm sorry, it's just, that was too cheesy...oh god..." I looked at her again and chuckled when I thought of what I said. We were once again looking into the other's eyes and her lips to curled up into a smile – for once not a taunting one. I grinned back and after we'd memorised every detail of the other's face, both of us leaned toward each other in sync, the controllers dropped on onto the coffee table minutes before.

Our lips met sweetly. Fireworks blasted into the sky, flowers and blue skies infiltrating my thoughts. Various loving words coming to mind that weren't able to pass my lips. We'd never properly kissed before, only a few pecks and a lot of hugging. This was special and when she'd passed the point of no return and gently nipped my bottom lip, I opened my mouth and our tongues intertwined.

They were fighting for dominance as the man I am, I won. The kiss was getting heated and we were breathless as the only point in which oxygen was able to get through were the short breaks between kisses every twenty seconds. Our bodies were now tangled together as I laid on top of her on the sofa.

I started to notice the heat between my legs slowly getting more intense and it was soon unbearable. However, we'd only been together for less than a week no matter how obsessed I was. Despite my arguments though, we continued our antics and the passion was getting overwhelming. Both of us fumbling around, reaching for revealed skin and desperately trying to remove each other's clothes. When I was only clad in my skinny jeans and boxers and Mabel was only wearing her underwear, our need for contact got out of hand during her attempts at removing my jeans...we fell of of the sofa, me smashing the glass coffee table with my head. I saw Mabel getting up next to me and just as I tried to make a joke, the strange pain in my head caused me to lose consciousness.

Her worried face being the last thing I saw.

At the hospital.

Phil's POV.

I arrived at the hospital worried and angry. Angry for unknown reasons and worried because I'd gotten a call from Dan's phone from some random girl speaking very quickly into my ear. She was quite worried but practically ordered me to get to the nearest hospital ASAP as Dan had some injury. What could he have possibly done to get taken to hospital.

_What injuries can you get from playing computer games?_

Then it dawned on me, they must have been doing something..._else_. It really shouldn't bother me that Dan was getting a little action from a probable girlfriend but something about that image just irked me and made me want to hit something... or someone.

Since my last Phan dream, I'd been able to hold back my feelings pretty well, only really letting my control slip when Dan was standing in a particularly provocative stance or just whenever we made direct eye contact.

So many unwanted images come to mind just whilst watching his latest video, which I always do. The en-screen dance just drives me insane and I'm still scared to fall asleep on the sofa just in case I have some sexy Phan dream. It's embarrassing enough when we brush past in the hall way sometimes and I get flustered just from the contact and the upcoming images that haunt me after every little bit of interaction.

Not that any of that matters now as I head to the A & E section of the hospital. Hopefully nothing too intense happened, well, if he's not in intensive care then I shouldn't be too worried.

When arriving at the waiting area, there was no sign of Dan or Mabel (who I'd only ever seen once) so I headed towards the receptionist and asked for Dan. I was pointed towards a hall way, several doors in sight. Dan was in the third room on the right.

When knocking, I was hesitant as I didn't want to be intervening on some intimate moment between Dan and Mabel or just walk in on him getting his head stitched up. I'm not one for gore.

Luckily, the door was opened by a pretty jolly doctor and no women in sight. I walked in to see Dan holding his newly stitched up head with his hand and smiled at the fact he was a lone. If the girl who he was with had been there then I probably wouldn't be able to control my accusations or anger directed towards her. Jealousy was always a bitch.

Dan gestured for me to approach with his hand and I obeyed by walking over, the doctor leaving us alone. Being concerned, I couldn't help staring at his bandaged head and arm. Glass had apparently attacked his skull and right wrist.

He glanced at me awkwardly before the silence was broken by my questioning. "So...how do you get slashed to pieces when playing computer games?" He smirked at me then. Of course I knew the answer before hand but his slightly amused, boyish smile was a low blow for me. Like sleeping with you've known for a week was some achievement.

_Stop being so hostile Phil._

"Well, Mario jumped out of the screen and threw a glass table at me." His joking tone almost made it worse. He liked her that much that even seriously injuring himself couldn't keep his thoughts off of their happy times together. He laughed ad then just winked at me.

Why did he have to confirm that he hurt himself getting luckily with someone he obviously liked, our relationship as friends wasn't supposed to be like this. Talking about our sex lives wasn't our typical conversations. Sometimes we would talk about girlfriends but that was as far a s anything got. I hoped to god at that moment that he wouldn't choose today to restart our whole communication process and give me juicy (sickening) details.

There must be someone up there because the words that came out of his mouth weren't details of his intimate time or anything like that but unfortunately whilst there's someone above us in the clouds, there must be a devil underneath us who pushed fate to create the sentence that escaped my friend's mouth next.

"I...I think I'm in love, as cheesy as that sounds."He lightly chuckled in a happy, relaxed tone. My eyes darted to his. My facial expression must have changed a hundred times in reaction as I tried my hardest to look supportive rather than hurt. The reasons for this confession affecting me so much forgotten.

Managing a smile, I clearly replied, with much difficulty. "In a week, next thing you know you'll be proposing." At the last few words, I need to look away so I bowed my head down, avoiding his gaze. In this moment, I saw the future, Dan leaving me and me being left alone in our house for the rest of my life. Never having my friend to myself ever again. Being forced to find other company to fill the gap.

Dan laughed at my comment before intently looking at nothing in particular. Then he lifted his head to face me and smiled. "Who knows? What will you do without me when I'm gone hen Phil?" He had a certain jolliness in his tone accompanied by the fake superior attitude. God, how would I live without him living in the room next to mine?

Honestly though, how in the name of all that is good in this world could I handle being without my best friend? I mean, we've been living together for so long, it's like partially losing a brother (minus the fact that I'm slightly attracted to Dan).

Apparently, I'd been silent for too long and Dan decided to address my held back response to his mocking question. "Are you okay, Phil? You know I'm joking, I'm not leaving any time soon?" He had an almost concerned look on his face and I finally looked him in the eye to smile. If Dan understood that I was reluctant to let him go just like that, then maybe he cared enough about me that if the situations were swapped, he's feel near enough the same.

"Yeah...and you better not be going anywhere, I still need a slave to cook dinner!" Making a joke was the best move, just to show Dan that he had nothing to worry about and to not hold him back from his true intentions.

What if the anticipation of Dan possibly leaving some day and finding some other source of happiness rather than just sitting at home with me was what was responsible for my sudden attraction to him? Could I just transforming my insecurities of losing my best friend to some girl into a much more intimate feeling that would make letting him go a lot more harder in the short term but easier on both of us in he long run as he feeling of evidence and fate keeping us as only friends. Causing the wide space between us to be a comfort as I wouldn't need to think about what could have been but what would have been.

_Or I'm making excuses to excuse the fact that I fancy my best friend._

Once again, I had been in a daze and needed to be pulled out of it by the concerned voice of Dan, the one who was emitted into hospital because of lass slashing his head open.

_Why was he the worried one again?_

"Phil, you look a like a bit of a lunatic right now and I'm not really sure whether to shake you or laugh."He decided on laughing in my face nervously.

I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by the door opening slowly and looked to see an extremely pretty girl walk in who had light, caramel like hair which settled just past her shoulders and her eyes were a pretty green. If this was Mabel... I could see what Dan saw in her appearance wise. Her smile was quite girl-y and sweet but she looked slightly older than Dan. Her eyes met mine briefly but then descended to the injured Dan sitting on a doctor's table.

When they looked into each other's eyes, I was practically burned alive by the fireworks. Dan's dimples were showing and I let go of a breath that I had not known that I was holding. Awkwardness weighed my shoulders down.

Suddenly Mabel was giggling and it was a pretty lovely sound and Dan blushed. I was out of the conversation at this point and I tried with all of my might to avoid both of their eyes. This is kind of hard when your in a tiny surgery room with your (sort-of) rival facing your directly from the front and your friend sitting to your right.

Luckily she soon stopped laughing, Dan ceased to bush and I could finally look up. It was then that Mabel decided to introduce herself. Her frantic panicking side didn't have the time to do so on the phone earlier.

"Hey, I'm Mabel. You're Phil, right?" She smiled friendlily at me and put her hand out to obviously shake mine. I put my right hand in hers and smiled my most charming but innocent grin before shaking her hand and let it go.

"Yea that's me...rawr!" I exclaimed with my hand clenched like claw awkwardly. I just could not introduce myself without the sound effect. It just wasn't right. She laughed but soon turned her attention back to Dan.

"So, can you leave now or what?" She seemed quite rushed when saying this. Like she had somewhere to be and I didn't think that anyone would want rush a conversation with Dan.

_But you're obsessed._

That thought made me feel a bit of doubt rising inside of me about my feelings for Dan. I mean, it could easily just be a simple phase of slight attraction or could it be obsession that been growing for years? No, I'm reading too much into my own thoughts.

Dan replied to Mabel after a second of thought. "Well, the doctor said I had to get my prescription slip first. The morphine kicked in about ten minutes ago so I'm not in too much pain. The doctor will be back in about fifteen minutes with my slip." He laughed. "I feel like I've just been through life threatening surgery."

Mabel and I laughed shortly before Mabel started speaking again after looking at her watch." I'm sorry Dan, Phil, I'll have to love you and leave you. Job interview." She smiled hopefully at us and rushed out.

I was kind of confused so I decided to ask Dan what he thought. "Did you mention that she was already employed or something?" He nodded looked a little drowsy. He must of taken quite of bit of pain killers.

Just as that thought crossed my mind, the doctor walked in with Dan's actual prescription and smiled at us both. "I thought that I'd take the courtesy of picking this up for you. I mean your friend will have to practically carry you home at the state your in, I don't want to cast any more labour onto him." We all chuckled lightly. Then it dawned in me that Dan may actually be in a bad enough state that he'll need to be dragged to a taxi.

After grabbing the bad of medicine and placing an arm of Dan's around my shoulders and half dragging him to the elevator and going down to the entrance, we left and I called for a taxi. We didn't have to wait too long and before we knew it we were home. Dan asleep on the sofa. Occasionally waking up and mumbling some strange sentence and napping once more.

I too headed to bed, not bothering with Dan. It was only about 9:00 pm and he wasn't one for early nights. He's rather wake up in the middle of the night on the sofa and browse the internet until morning rather than be forced into bed.

Almost as soon as I hit the pillow, I was sent into dream land and though pleasant, the disturbed dreams of Dan had returned.

And quite visual ones at that. What a long night that this would turn out to be.

A/N: I think this is going pretty well so far. This is my longest chapter for this Phan fiction so far. Is it just me or are they just extending each time? I don't really know but I was thinking of writing another Phan fiction, one with a lot of darker themes. I was hoping to involve drug use but I'd need to do a little more research. Tell me what you think if you want to!

3


	5. Bromance

Dan

I woke up with a pounding in my head, a stinging right wrist and an extremely cramped neck. For some unknown reason I was lying uncomfortably on our sofa and I was not happy about that fact. Then I remembered the hospital and a few memories of random statements escaping my mouth directed at Phil crossed my mind.

How could he just leave me on the sofa to cramp up and further mess up my already injured self? Oh well. I checked my phone for the time.

10:00 AM

To request my painkillers, I screamed out to Phil who was most likely sleeping now. Apparently I was wrong as a fully clothed Phil appeared from the kitchen eating a bowl of mysterious cereal. The first thing I noticed about him though was the look on his face. His eyes were red and puffy as well as him having extremely prominent grey shadow adorning his eyes. No smile any where to be seen and rather than being a usual bright white tone, his skin almost looked grey as well.

_What happened to him last night?_

He also seemed to have 'sex hair' but that scenario was just out of the question. Before I could ask about his appearance, he'd already turned and headed back towards the kitchen to most like heed my request for drugs as well as put his bowl in the sink.

He returned with a packet of biscuits, a cup of water and my tablets.

_Glorious pain killers at last._

I finished taking my medicine and thank him for his help and for having the courtesy to bring a packet of biscuits to help with the tablets.

Now was the moment of truth, I needed to know what his deal was and how I could help. He was my friend after all and that's how good friends act.

"So what with the getup? I mean, Phil, no offence but you look like you were hit by a truck...twice." Hopefully this didn't affect him too much. I didn't think it would but was slightly surprised when a look of worry seemed to adorn his features. What about my statement made him worried? What could he possibly have to hide that was in anyway relevant to his current appearance?

He seemed to coke on his words but answered still. "N-nothing. Nothing at all...just...um..." Phil was obviously thinking of the right response. His flustered face and nervousness now was making me slightly anxious. Was he okay? Finally he gave me a full answer.

"I just had a bad dream..." His voice was rushed and quiet it was pretty obvious that he was lying. His blush was taking up his whole face. Now he didn't seem grey, he was scarlet. I kind of waned o laugh but that would not have helped the situation.

"What about?" My obvious scepticism was shown in my voice and facial expression as I asked him a question. His face was fire red now. A laugh almost escaping my lips at the realization.

_Phil wasn't having a nighmare..._

I couldn't help from releasing a slightly immature laugh. Phil is a grown man and sure, from time to time, I have sexy dreams but only once every six months or so or after seeing a particularly stimulating image or scene in a film or something but Phil is even older than me and he looked like an embarrassed kid.

Feeling almost sorry for him, I released a cough and refrained from letting any taunting escape my mouth. He looked so ashamed. As if he'd had a saucy encounter with a nun.

"Sorry. Let's not talk about this any more. I'm not giving you "the talk " or anything like that. It isn't my business what goes on your head. He looked down still obviously ashamed. Must have dreamt about something pretty bad, best not to go further into this. He's innocent Phil, no wonder he's embarrassed of something like this, did I think he would laugh with me about it and we'd start talking about our most personal fantasies. That is not how we roll.

I mean, I'm not particularly uncomfortable talking about sexual encounter but with Phil it was just an awkward subject no matter the circumstances. I mean,, we were both men and I know Phil has had girlfriends (not one in a while) but despite this fact, I just can't bring myself to discuss sexual encounters with him, no matter how much advice I need or how confused I feel. Well, obviously I don't just randomly go up to my fellow men and start up a conversation about my experiences with sex. However, I can't help think it's kind of strange how far me and Phil will go to avoid the subject.

Part of me believes that it's due to the fact that he's a few years older than me and despite that fact, I have had quite a bit more experience when it comes to doing the dirty. I don't want him to feel insecure or inadequate. Not being cocky or self righteous in any way but I know he's felt that way before when fan girls in the street have only wanted a picture with me and declared their love for me whilst only granting Phil the privilege of a "hi". As well as the blatant difference in the amount of views my videos receive compared to his.

His self esteem isn't that high. Me being luckier with the ladies although I'm younger than him as well as being quite a bit more popular isn't good for that.

Despite all of the valid evidence that suggests all of the theories previously mentioned are true, I can't help but feel that the awkwardness goes deeper than that and slightly more personal. For instance, what if the awkwardness is the result of inappropriate feelings. I mean, I know for a definitive fact that I am bisexual. I have no doubt in my mind that that is true but is Phil?

In addition to that, what if he's attracted too me or I'm attracted to him and the awkwardness is due to sexual tension? That wouldn't be good. But it wouldn't happen either.

We'd obviously been sitting there in silence for quite some time as Phil cleared his throat and sat on the armchair, looking at the floor. Obviously embarrassed and he seemed quite stressed.

"Sorry for laughing..." I had the obligation to apologise after causing his embarrassment He looked so uncomfortable and laughing at his shame earlier was not something a real friend should ever do.

"It's okay, it is pretty funny, I mean, what am I, fourteen?" There seemed to be a touch of spite in his tone, directed at himself most likely and it sort of irritated me. His eyes finally met mine and the lok on his face combined with his tired state mad me almost nervous for his well being.

Just as I was about to say something reassuring, my phone rang and I quickly answered. The voice on the other end belonged to Mabel and her voice was too cheery to be heard at this point with my friend looking shameful just to my right.

"Hey. You better have taken your pain killers." Her voice was a comfort to me though. So happy but at the same time stern. I needed to respond rather that just listen to her speaking.

"Yeah, they haven't quite kicked in yet though. I don't know what I have ever done to upset tables but it must have been something bad for one to attack me like that." She giggled on the other line.

"Don't worry, my tables always been a heartless bastard. Probably secretly in love with me or something. He's pretty much destroyed now though and I almost stepped on him yesterday when I came home...bear foot as well!" I laughed at the image of her ninja jumping the table's remains.

"It out to get us both, I hope you locked its remains up somewhere." She giggled as well and we both started laughing for a few seconds before she had a real response.

"It's gone down to the depths of my wheely bin in a Tesco carrier bag. You don't have to worry about my safety any more." She sounded like she was smiling and the image of that made my heart flutter. "When do you think you'll be in good enough shape to finish what we started?" Her happy tone disappeared and was replaced by a _very_ seductive one. How was I to deal with this question?

"When my head stops hurting so much and when I can actually move my right hand." She let out a flirty chuckle and replied with a slightly suggestive statement. Well, in my mind it was suggestive.

"I don't think two hands is a real necessity compared to other parts of the body." She was obviously looking for some sexy response as her voice was a one of feigned innocence. Phil was right here though and I'd already just blown him off just for one phone call whilst I was supposed to be comforting him. But I didn't think it was a possibility at the time to blow off Mabel whilst she was acting so...tempting.

"What things are more important?" I was heating up slightly and felt slightly embarrassed as Phil was right there looking down, not paying any mind to me, only pondering to himself. I didn't want him to catch on to what kind of conversation this was turning into.

"Well...there's lips..." she took a small breathe before continuing. "...hips...among others of course..." Though I really wanted her to say some dirtier body parts, I was grateful she didn't as Phil was here and I didn't want there to be any more awkward silences today. I mean it's still morning and there's already been a few. Him overhearing my side of a sexy conversation would be a little too weird. Therefore it was my duty to end this train wreck as nicely as possible without making Mabel think I was some loser who only had time for his friend.

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine in about a week. Don't worry about the meds, Phil's remembering the times for me to take them. You don't need to worry. Bye!" Half way through the sentence my voice broke slightly. My words were fast and I'd hung up the phone before she even had a chance to respond.

Phil stared at me with a suspicious look in his eyes. Probably wondering why my conversation was so rushed. I didn't want to tell him it was because I was too worried about him or because the call was getting too saucy and I didn't want to have to abandon him, especially for a girl.

"What was that about?" He seemed curious and I answered with a lie nonchalantly.

"Oh, nothing." His next sentence sort of shocked me but I brushed it off an just answered reassuringly. "She doesn't trust that you're safe here?" He then looked down sheepishly and his insecure tone made me feel a little bad for making him think that.

"Oh no she's fine, she knows I'm okay. You know how girls are, worrying a lot." He nodded, still looking down but his expression seemed brighter now. Was that what he was worried about? Me seeking help from Mabel rather than just staying here with him. That's ridiculous, I've known her for a week and that's hardly long enough for me to be sleeping over, let alone leaving my home to be baby sat by her for a week. Any ways, Phil's my friend and no woman should come between friends. No matter how tempting.

"Don't worry, Phil. As I said in the hospital, I am not going anywhere any time soon. Bros before hoes all the way, no matter how lonely you are." He looked up at me and smiled. I felt like a parent who's just got divorced and was reassuring her son.

"You want to play X-BOX or what?" He asked. Obviously he'd forgotten about my wrist.

"No thanks, as much as I'd love to," I held up my bandaged arm. "it's kind of hard to play computer games one handed." I smiled, showing my dimples.

"No problem, what can we do then? I don' really feel like spending all day sitting on my computer. I want something productive to do!" Did Phil just say he wanted a break from the internet? He must be feeling pretty low spirited today after all.

"Why don't we bake something, make a video of it. It's been _way _too long since or last encounter with," I feigned having to take a breath to compose myself. Her name came out in a breathy voice. "Delia."

Phil laughed and we set off to prepare everything.

Today was going to be a fun day especially when I get to dump the editing on Phil as he was the one who wanted to do something "productive". I don't really see how failing at baking was a real accomplishment. Oh well, each to their own.

A/N: Well, this was a bit of a useless chapter but I really want to focus on everyone's feelings and relationships at this point. If it's going too slow, please let me know but the next chapter will be a little depressing and put your empathetic faces on because Phil is going through some rough times.

Thank you to those of you who have reviewed! It means a lot. I am going to be starting a new Phan fiction soon about drug abuse and I'm hoping that it will at least make one person cry. (Who is not me.)


	6. Unobtainable

Hey! How you doing? Aha. Great. I wrote the last of Dan's POV to the end of the chapter at like 1-3am so please don't judge too bad. I could barely keep my eyes open and I wanted to upload this so I didn't read through. I'm so sorry for any mistakes.

Here we go!

Phil's POV

"You need to find a catch phrase other than 'lubricate' to say in these videos, Dan."I was laughing at him as he was 'lubricating' the cake tin. We were making a Victoria (Delia) sponge cake! We were also failing miserably.

"I don't think any other words fully express the deed of buttering cooking utensils, Phil." Dan was laughing at me as he carried on swaying forwards and backwards whilst buttering the tin.

At this moment something came over me and I couldn't keep my eyes away from him, his motions were just so...distracting. Something about what he was doing and his facial expression. He had a fake expression of lustfulness spread across his features and for a second I wanted it to be real.

"I'm finished!" He stopped in his movements and the feeling left me as I had to reinstate myself into the situation and get my funny face back on for the video.

"Good for you now we can cook the horrible sloppy mess imprisoned in a bowl." I grabbed the bowl containing the mixture and directed it towards the tin. I poured the liquid in and followed on by putting it into the pre heated oven. We would now have to wait for it to be done.

"Well, what do we do for the next 20 minutes then Phil?" A second had passed before I realised he was talking. For some reason his movements from earlier and my initial reaction wouldn't leave my head. There was something about my mesmerised state that still confused me.

What was wrong with me?

"Um...nothing?" He smiled and ran into the living room before jumping onto the sofa. I decided that after the current feelings of mine that had come out thanks to Dan and his hips, I didn't feel it was the best idea to put myself into his company for too long. I started cleaning up the mess in the kitchen.

To think that I have to separate myself from my best friend just because I get a little flustered. What was happening to me? How could I change this much just because of a few _stupid dreams. _

Whilst I wiped down the counter top, I suddenly became frustrated with myself as me and Dan's close relationship was slowly but surely deteriorating. Not only does slight physical contact create an awkward silence but he was now in a relationship as well.

_What was happening?_

Much sooner than expected, I heard the 'ding' from the oven and called Dan before turning the camera back on and opening the oven to retrieve the cake.

After placing it on the cooling tray, I looked up to see Dan sliding into the kitchen, smiling at the camera.

"And now, it is time! Time to make the ultimate masterpiece." He made a dramatic pose and I responded with my own whilst then turning to the camera.

We went on to create a hilarious picture of a strange hulk/Delia Smith/llama mutant on the cake and then tasted it to reveal that our creation was monstrosity to taste buds. I knew we were going to fail, it was the simplest thing you could bake and we messed it up. Luckily we filmed our reaction and now the whole internet can laugh with us.

We have an amazing career. Then I went on to edit and almost died with anguish when looking at my face whilst Dan was 'lubricating' the tin. I looked like I was about to faint.

Managing to keep him from watching the unedited video, I ran to my room to edit and decided to just zoom in on him during those few seconds. That would probably stop the many "Phan is reel" comments that would be placed under this video.

Editing took me about three hours which was pretty quick and as it was still pretty early I just went into the living room rather than sleeping. Then I had realised that it was almost time for Dan's pain killers to wear of and I didn't want to have to deal with his whining so I went to get them ready for him with a packet of biscuits and a coffee to accompany them.

When walking into his room (without knocking) I found a startled and blushing Dan lying in bed, laptop on his lap. For a second I was confused so I voiced my curiosity.

"Um, Dan, are you okay? What's goin' on?" He was obviously embarrassed so I thought it was best to let it go and get straight to the point. "I brought you pain killers and a coffee." I smiled at him hoping to lighten the mood but the was still awkward tension weighing us down. When I went to set his stuff down on the bedside table, he jerked his mac screen from my view. Not that I would have seen much anyway. I pretended that I didn't noticed his rash movements and left the room?

What was so secret?

Dan's POV.

Phil's consideration was much appreciated when he came into my room unexpectedly to give me my medication. Good timing as well considering my head had just started to hurt again. However, it wasn't really the _best_ time.

As it was not fair on Phil to go off to have sex earlier and neither was it the right time for some hardcore sexting, I decided that whilst he was editing our collab video seemed like a great time to sexy chat using our phones. We were in the middle of this 'special' conversation when he walked in and I was so embarrassed that I could barely look Phil in the eyes.

Before Phil walked in I had managed to grab my mac to cover up my 'problem'. I'm just happy I hid the fact that my mac was really turned off.

Though, I don't really understand why I'm so embarrassed, it's like I'm a teenager again and I'm living with my parents. What had happened to our friendship? When did Phil become my awkward room mate rather than my best friend? I don't understand how we could have changed so much.

Suddenly I felt quite angry with nothing in particular. I needed space and I couldn't get it here, I needed to go out and find someone else's opinion. Someone who could reassure me that me and Phil weren't drifting apart.

Phil's POV.

Dan had left about an hour ago, apparently he was in a rush but he made sure to stop when saying 'bye'. That was kind of weird really. It was as if he was forcing himself to communicate with me.

_Well, that makes me feel good about myself._

Bored couldn't even describe how I was feeling right now. Without anyone in the house and my weekly video already edited and exporting, the only pass time was tweeting about my video exporting.

My life is so exciting. Without Dan my life is pretty boring. Of course I have quite a few other friends and the fans to keep me entertained but now whilst he's out doing, whatever, I'm home alone looking at tumblr blogs that are basically just copies of each other or ridiculous Phan fictions that just make me extremely irritated.

Coming to notice an extreme attraction to my best friend shouldn't be motive for me to dis the Phan base. People who practically devote their time to us and I'm just raging in my head at teenage girls on the internet.

_Shame._

I leaned back on the sofa and closed my eyes. Maybe I could have gone for a nap to clear my head. If Dan wasn't here I didn't need to worry about being caught having one of my weird dreams.

Sleeping would clear my head and I would probably stop directing my bad mood at the internet.

"_What do you want from me?" Hi voice was laced with a hybrid of lust and a strange emotion that I couldn't place. _

"_Everything..." I sounded so desperate and my reply from Dan was a smirk. His expression softened and he leaned in, inches from my face he looked me in the eyes. "Everything that involves us wearing less clothes." He was smiling now and moved him self from his current position (leaning over from the side of the sofa) and was then straddling me._

_A smile still on his face he once again leaned in but this time our lips connected. A soft peck was what I had received before he withdrew his head and smiled kindly at me. Once again we were kissing but this time with a passion present. Our movements getting faster and a lot more beast like each second. _

_Our hands were roaming and I gently squeezed his ass. We were now grinding against one another. Showing each other just how much we wanted this and clothes were being ripped off. Our movements almost violent as we tried to reach contact with skin. _

_We were both in our boxers now and the need for each other evident to us both us both. Now we had stopped in our ravishing to look into the other's eyes. Our want to go further halted by logic. Logic was overruled as Dan placed both his hands on my face and smiled affectionately. This was more than lust and I smiled back with the same adoring quality. Our lips connected once more in a sweet kiss. The motion slowed and we were putting all the positive feelings we had into this action. Showing each other just how much we cared._

_Suddenly hands were at my hips, his finger entered my boxers and I moved to a lying down position with Dan leaning above me. My underwear was slipped off and I immediately tried to remove his when I was interrupted by a very loud knock._

I groaned and was fully aware of the obvious wet patch in my jeans and at that point I was extremely glad that there was no more filming today. After this thought had crossed my mind, I remembered the cause for my sudden awoken state.

This in mind, I shouted to the door, stating that I'd answer in a second. I went to my room and as quickly as possible, I slipped into some trackies (minus the boxers) and ran to the door. I answered it quickly and was sort of scared when I saw the rugged looking stranger at my door.

He had a shaved head and he looked as if he hadn't shaved in weeks. His eyes were red and puffy as if he'd been crying. I kind of felt sorry for this guy, especially because it didn't seem like I was the one he was looking for.

"You want to come in...?"I was slightly hesitant but I couldn't help but want to help this man. My question was answered when he nodded and walked into our home almost shyly. The door was closed and I directed him to the sofa and offered a cup of tea. He declined.

"Is...um...D-Dan, is he here? My sister told me this is where he lives." His question shocked me and I was confused as I didn't know Dan even knew anyone this edgy. His voice was quite shaky and he almost refused to look me in the eyes. Who was his sister?

"Um, he does live here but...he's out and I'm sorry but I don't know where he is." He nodded understandingly and looked down. "I hope you don't mind me asking but who are you and who's your sister?" It seemed sort of weird asking this random guy all of these questions. Then again he's in my house and he knows Dan.

"Jim, my sister is Mabel. I t-think their together or something. I don't know she doesn't talk to me."He looked generally scared. Like he had some big secret. What secret and why did he need Dan?

"Okay. Jim, what do you want with Dan and is there something that I should know about Mabel.?"

This seemed like a leap. Asking such a precise question. I didn't have much faith that I would get any type of answer.

"I want to talk to Dan and help him with my sister. She's a mess. I haven't seen her in a week and because of Dan that meet up was ended all too quickly. Before that I hadn't so much as talked to her for a year." Was there really this much mystery to Mabel. More importantly, was Dan in danger. What if his cracked head was on purpose?

"That sounds like a bit of an issue. What do you mean by a mess?" My concern was evident in my voice and I really did not want to offend Jim. This was his sister after all. Maybe she was just a little depressed or something. "She isn't violent, right?" This was over stepping the boundaries.

"No, no,no. Of course she isn't violent but I just want her safe and you better tell me if this Dan is good for her."His tone was deeper now and his point a lot more clear. "Not just some horny fucker." His sudden show of protectiveness confused me. Now I needed to defend Dan, make sure this guy didn't try and kick his arse because I didn't answer quick enough.

"He's great. Not some dodgy pervert or anything. I don't think they've even done anything yet. Well, nothing like that."Something told me this was the wrong answer. Mostly because I was lying. I had total faith that they'd done quite a few things together. Playing Nintendo was not one of them. Plus he's her brother and he probably won't believe her boyfriend's best friend. To him I'm just the wing man.

"You serious. Mabel rushes into things. I'm sorry if I'm insulting your friend but she's just so crazy sometimes. I think she might be an alcoholic and the last few guys she's been with were either woman beaters or she cheated on them with any vulnerable kid she could find." To me, she didn't sound like she was he best girl for Dan at this point and I was totally confused as to why he was telling me so much about his sister. I mean, he doesn't even know me. I probably just have one of those faces.

Any way, onto the serious questions again. Mabel sounded a bit to Romance film antagonist to me at this point.

"What makes you think she's an alcoholic?" She seemed to together to be some drunk.

"I don't even know. When we weren't talking, every week or so I would get a text from some weird number and it would say something like ' I'm partying, get over it' or ' Got a hot date tonight? I have.' It freaked me out." Not going to lie but now I was seeing Mabel as a bit of a lunatic. "I only found out about her relationship dramas because her friend added me on Facebook and started sending me messages about how crap of a brother I was."

Now I really was feeling sorry for the guy. I mean, all he wanted was to help his sister. Wait, why wasn't he talking to her? What would make someone so detached from their own sibling? Someone had to be at fault.

"Is there a particular reason, you stopped talking?" This was most definitely over the line but my curiosity got the better of me. Sibling rivalry was just too interesting.

"I-I..."He then burst into tears. I felt officially useless sitting across from this random guest. How can I comfort someone. For all I know, he beat her up or raped her dog. Probably not the latter but it could have been anything. "I stole her boy friend." That was not what I was expecting.

_Shit._

"Well...that seems like a good reason..."

_Why the hell did I say 'good'?_

"No. I shouldn't have said that. They weren't together any more and she said she was over him but sometimes her mood just changes drastically." His tears were slowing down and it was nice that he was actually talking like a real human being. "It doesn't make it any better that he dumped me a week ago. Bastard." Mabel must not be the only one in their family with extreme mood swings. That last word had enough spite in it to destroy a nunnery.

I decided at this point I should comfort the crying stranger on the sofa opposite me so I stood up and walked towards him. A friendly expression hopefully painted out on my face. Sitting down, I went to pat his shoulder hesitantly; hoping he wouldn't beat me up. I succeeded

"It's okay, Jim. Sometimes, people just need release. I'm sure Mabel will forgive you, if she hasn't already and I'm hoping she won't be too harsh with Dan, he is my best friend." Just at the worst moment that it could, a sigh escaped my lips. A disappointed one? He noticed and looked up at me with a questioning look. Then he was on me, hands around my throat; I couldn't breathe. His voice was viscous but I could trace a frightened undertone. He didn't want his sister hurt and I understood.

"You don't want him as your friend do you? If you try and take him from her, I'll hunt you faggot arse down and slit your little throat. You hear me you fucktard?" His weight was lifted, I was spat on, trying with all my might to keep eyes from meeting his before I heard the door slam violently.

My throat burned with an outstanding intensity but so did my heart. That stupid dream and that _stupid_ sigh. I was attracted to men and Dan fitted that category but in that dream, unlike all of the others, it held the key to all happiness. Love.

Lust was definitely present but it was over powered by affection and the need to be touched by someone you cared for. That someone was Dan and I don't even know how to categorise just how much I care for my best friend. Usually they were random scenes where we were in kink situations and today was the day where I had a dream where not only did I come close to getting lucky but I was close to becoming complete.

Now I had to face the feelings that would now cripple my relationship with Dan. Sure, lately some subject had become a little hard to talk about but now it's going to be a struggle just to look him in the eyes. I remember my dream. His eyes, assessing mine. Just showing me what he saw, showing me how much he cared. How much my ideal Dan cared.

Tears were becoming present as I pondered what my life would be like only knowing rejection from the person I loved the most. He had more important people to worry about and when I stare a little loner than needed just find that bliss in my imaginary world of Phan, he would look back before awkwardly avoiding my stare. Avoiding the obvious stain on our communication.

_Thank you world for screwing me over._

I, Phil Lester, a simple Northern You tuber who has never intentionally done wrong has found the beautiful light that is love...and it is unobtainable.

_...Obviously, its is me after all, I have such great timing._

A/N I really hoped this pulled in all of your heart strings. I know Jim's bit is a bit rushed but he's upset and has some crazy theories on Mabel based on nothing really at all. I hoped most of you got that he was a little crazy. Not too insane but his and Mabel's relationship is relevant as it plays a big factor in Phil's future struggles. I'm a bit of a dick to him. :). This is not late because I'm working on a different fan fiction. I have barely started that. It's late because I had a bit of writer's block for the first part but whilst I was writing the whole lemon and Phil and Jim's conversation, I had this sudden flow of imagination and joy.


	7. Useless trip

A/N I am really sorry for the long wait but I had no access to the internet for like the last week and I literally just came back from Wales so this may not be a very successful chapter. Travelling messes with your mind. Earlier I felt like I was dying.

So, as I said before I'm probably not going to include many Youtuber cameos. Mainly because I'm not subscribed to many English Youtubers. So I don't feel that comfortable about writing about people who I don't know anything about. Dan is going to visit most likely one of the only people who I think is right to give him advice about Phil. Which I don't think would be another friend of Phil's considering Dan's his best bud.

On to the story!

Dan's POV.

It had been a while since I'd been here and I never really thought that a day would come where I visited Phil's brother again. Last time was not the best experience and he doesn't even like me but this was an emergency. If anyone knew about Phil, it was going to be his family. I'm not travelling all the way to Manchester to ask his his parents why we're so awkward around each other now. Martin doesn't even live far from us.

Knocking the door, I let out a sigh before being met with the face of Phil's brother, I received a quizzical look from him before he finally spoke.

"Not that it isn't a pleasure to see you but what are you doing on my doorstep?" A reasonable question and I didn't really have a proper answer. The fact that I came here for advice on how to deal with tension with my best friend was sort of weird. It isn't like I've even tried communicating with Phil about our problems. "Well?"

"I-I...um...I sort of need some advice. You know, about your brother." This sounded so formal. Like we were discussing franchise. When did Phil become this 'serious' subject?

Martin looked strange for a moment. I couldn't decide whether he was contemplating whether to let me in or thinking about the possible things I'd want to talk about. Asking someone's sibling for advice on them was weird, especially when you don't even get along.

He turned around and headed inside, leaving the door open for me. Walking in and closing the door, I followed him to the front room. Most of the furniture was packed up and there were no pictures on the walls. Was Phil's brother moving? Shouldn't Phil know? They are close, then again, look what happened to us.

Now I was pissed and depressed.

_Fuck.._

There was a small leather sofa still and a T.V. Both of us sat down. For a second, I had no clue what to say. I just wanted to know what was wrong with Phil but I didn't want to seem too interested either. When I had first met Phil's brother, he thought that I was Phil's boy friend. A few days ago I would have laughed at the memory but just like when it actually occurred, now there were too many confusing elements in my mind to let myself laugh at a 'gay joke'.

Now the possibility of Phil being gay is evident and although it isn't a direct problem, I can't help feeling awkward and wondering where our relationship stands now. Will it go down hill even further or will there be more tension? His awkwardness around girls lately and his reluctance to talk relationships is a sign that something must have changed.

"Well, I was wondering what Phil's friends used to be like. I mean how heir relationships were." Getting right to the point, I looked to the older man, waiting for some deep secret to e revealed or something.

Martin sighed and looked up, like there was something on his mind. Hopefully something he would tell me about. Curiosity is a flaw, I know it is but it's one of mine and I was dying now some crazy emotional back story on Phil and some psycho friend.

"I don't know, just normal kids. Sort of, considering who Phil is." He smiled. They were very close brothers. However, this wasn't really an acceptable answer. It didn't even have anything to do with the second question.

"What about the-the way they were together. Did Phil ever...just drift away from them?" He looked down, arguing in in his mind whether I deserved to know what was on his mind.

"Why? You and Phil not best buds any more? Sometimes people just change. Some teenage drama isn't going to make you're problems turn into rainbows."There was definitely one thing that he wasn't telling me and I didn't really expect this meeting to be so tense. Something serious must have happened.

"Seriously? I just want to know if there is hope that Phil will still be my best friend in a month. So just tell me if I have anything to worry about." A little more demanding than I had meant it to be but it seemed to work because Martin was definitely contemplating something and hopefully it was about telling me more about Phil's crazy issues. Which probably weren't that crazy but to save my friendship then I need find the problem and solve it. Even though this may be the most difficult thing that I'd ever experienced.

He cracked.

"Once he had some friend, you know, one like you. Really close and a real part of his life. He was sixteen, I think. I'm no completely sure but I do know that him and that kid started talking less and and then they had fights and then one day, I found Phil crying in his room because...of...of reasons." Did he really have to ruin I with he "of reason" bit.

"And what were those reasons?" Maybe this was pushing it but I was Phil's friend so boundaries sometimes didn't apply. There was a pause, quite a long one at that. "Well?"

"Does it really matter? The point is he pushed someone away slowly and eventually they weren't even on speaking terms. Which may be a tragedy in some perspective but that kid didn't try to help my brother. He practically quickened the separation process." Ah teenagers. He seemed to have no understanding of them. It didn't really make sense why Martin was so tense about it.

Some teenage dram doesn't affect a grown man like this. Maybe Phil did something wrong or bad, not that he would ever but it could have been anything. I don't really care about that though, I just want to help.

"That doesn't really do anything for me. You see, I've noticed that Phil's changed a bit since we met." Good one Dan, of course he has. Elaborate. "I mean, he's more awkward and we aren't as comfortable with each other. Is there something wrong with him?" I don't know what could have been wrong with him to ruin a friendship but something had to be.

"What do you mean wrong with him? He isn't some freak. There's nothing wrong, maybe it's just your fault. You've always been quick to ditch." He did have a point, I mean, what was I doing right now, leaving my friend home alone because he got a little awkward about my sex life. "Just get out of my house." I immediately lifted myself from the sofa, doing as I'm told. I would make sure Phil wasn't in any terrible need. I would be back though.

I feel like this conversation shouldn't be left hanging like this. The information almost in my grasp was gone and I probably never come as close to gaining it again. Unfortunately, I couldn't force Phil's brother into giving me information. I left him sitting eerily still on the sofa.

When I was out of the door, a new ambition entered my mind. I would keep me and Phil's friendship intact, no matter what happens. There is no way that I'm letting some stupid school trauma repeating itself get in the way of our relationship. Whatever that weird drama involved, something similar must have been in the process of happening.

_Whatever it was... I would stamp it out before it became too much of a problem. Or more of one._

Why did this have to happen to me again? How many times do I have to get feelings towards a male best friend? I mean, this is the second time this has happened. If our friendship ends like my previous one did then I don't know what will become of me. How many time can one man handle being completely isolated by their best friend. Even when you know they are trying to accept you or understand you, they can't and what makes it worse is that that doesn't make he feelings go away.

Oh well, I don't need to think about this anymore, what good does reminding myself of how much shit I've buried myself in help in any way? Oh yeah, it keeps me from getting bored.

I can still hear Jim's voice in my head, juts how scared he was underneath that vicious mask. He knew how I felt, possibly the one person I'd ever met who truly understood me and there he was thirty minutes ago, choking me and demanding that I don't break his sister like he did. I know his theories about her are ridiculous, I mean, he hardly has evidence but the jealous part of me, the one that wants Dan's everything to be handed over on a platter, almost pleads for his theories to be true, for Mabel to be this succubus. But I know that if she was this disgrace, that Dan would try to help her get better. She would never stop being a part of his life, no matter what happens.

Fuck Dan and his attachments.

Speaking of Dan, it was then that my thoughts were interrupted by, most likely, a mild a heart attack as his figure suddenly stood before me. The lights weren't on and the curtains were closed, I don't really remember when I'd done that but because of the darkness, I believed Dan to a burglar for a second there. Which was no nice.

"Hey, sorry fr scaring you."H e looked guilty but I didn't care. I had my own problems. That sounded selfish. Oh well, it was true and whatever was on his mind probably wasn't about wanting to have sex with your male best friend.

That thought just made me feel a little awkward. Oh well, who the hell cares? Our friendship is utterly thrashed anyway. This is a time where hope is not an option and we need a mediator but I can't tell Dan or the interference the problem so that won't work. What a useful thought.

_Not._

"It's fine, I was just thinking here." Should I tell him about Mabel. I mean, maybe he knows something or he'll talk to James. Stop him from sneaking in my room at night and assassinating me or something. That would be unfortunate. "And...we got a visitor, someone here for you."

"Who? I'm guessing it was someone interesting. If it was cat woman you have to tell me now. She could have stolen something." That was a weird phrase. We haven't seen batman in a while, where did that reference come from? Oh well, bigger problems, Phil.

"A little late there with the reference Dan. Any ways, it was some guy. Jim, he was Mabel's brother and he needed to speak with you." I didn't know whether to tell him, it was like my mind was arguing with itself and it was annoying. "He said some things." I didn't want it to let slip that he was so rude or that I was affected but my voice wavered at the end and I was quite quiet.

"What things?" He'd noticed the waver. Apparently he was interested in what Jim had said to metu I couldn't really tell him what was bringing me down.

"You know, things about Mabel. They weren't really...well, good things, Dan."This better not turn into a bros before hos fight because that would be annoying. The old story of me telling lies about his week long sweetheart. That would be irritating.

"What kind of things?" He wasn't angry or accusing, maybe he'd believe I wasn't lying. "How bad were they?" Now he was looking down and was definitely not excited for my response. I wasn't excited for his either.

"Before I tell you, take in account that this guy was probably insane, okay? He said that she was a party animal, a cheater, a girl who usually gets with guys who beat her or guys she can cheat on." What a weird sentence, I didn't realise just how fucking mental this guy was. Or how mental I was for believing him for a few seconds. "That's i-it r-really." Oh god, I was practically shaking and I stuttered. He would know if I was lying, anyone would. I received an 'Are you kidding me?' look.

"You're saying that some weird stranger knocked on our door and you let him in? Plus, he told you that my girlfriend was a narcissistic, pain seeker?" He looked astonished and I would too. This was a weird situation. "Well, that seems like some trustworthy info. Her brother did seem like a bit of a loon when I'd seen him. Did he prove me wrong and bench press any tables while he was here?"

"You know, Dan, you can't really judge, you can hardly say you're a warrior."I laughed at the image of Dan in my mind with his head stuck on Arnold Schwarzenegger's body. I need to do that, this is the reason photo shop exists.

"Good point. Oh well, off of that scary subject. Don't wan to have to think about relationship problems just yet." He finally sat down next to me but refused to look me in the eyees. "I need to ask you a question and it isn't a bad one, it's just that...we're friends Phil. We don't need to hide things from each other. What's happened to us?"

What? What did he mean? I can't believe that the dent in our relationship was so evident and the cause for it's existence not quite known to either of us. We both just knew something was wrong and it had come to the point when one of us had brought it up and I wasn't ready to discuss it. I really wasn't. What could I say? 'I'm probably gay and I keep having almost kinky dreams about you but they always get interrupted.' What a great idea. I don't think I'm going with that option.

"Nothing is wrong." Everyone's motto these days, might as well use it myself.

A/N. It's been a while bt I don't really have a set update schedule so no worries, right? No, no, I am really sorry for not updating. I just went to a different town for a week, hen I had writer's block. Oh, and then, I wanted to kill everyone around for me for just being alive. Hope it was long enough for you!


	8. Confessions and brave kisses

A/N: Hey there! .

So...here!

Dan's POV.

I scoffed. He was just as scared as I was. We couldn't handle our issues but we would need to. I'm not losing a friend and I'm certainly not letting him lose one.

I absent mindedly started humming "We're all in this together" from High School Musical. This was not the way to keep friends. Time to get on with some real psychological shit. Here we were in our living room and it was about to get emotional.

"Don't give me bull shit, Phil." I stared him down, my eyes becoming more gentle as the time went on. It was as if he was sinking into the sofa. "We're friends..." I don't ever remember my voice sounding so meek in my life. No matter the situation, I have never sounded so desperate for anything whilst at the same time coming across as being so small and afraid.. Phil could see that and finally lifted his head up, looking at me with a guilty expression.

"I know and I also know that I can't tell you what's wrong." His pleading facial expression had a strange affect on me. For a second, I wanted to cry and reassure him that everything was going to be fine but then my mood changed. There was a sudden rage building up, his reluctance to trust me with his issues made me want to curse and scream at him. Make him feel useless and scared just like I do. Force him to feel abandoned.

I guess this feeling inside me has been present for a lot longer than I had originally thought. He never seemed to be comfortable talking to me, like I would judge him and laugh in his face.

Like I wasn't a true friend.

"You think I'm going to judge you? I've done my share horrible things, Phil! I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of and most of them I've shared with you!"My accusing tone and the chosen words made me sound like a fed up wife and I hated that fact.

He was silent, only looking up when I suddenly lifted myself from the sofa and grabbed him as well. I pulled him up and forced him to stay stood. Getting closer, I tried proving to him that I was serious and intent on fixing our relationship by staring him down but I think he mistook my intentions.

Lips were on mine. Gentle ones. Then memories came flooding back. Memories of when I'd wished for a spectacular romance in meeting Phil for the first time. Fancying his pants off. Now though, the main priority wasn't showing him my kissing skills but gently pushing him away and I did - almost. I did it way too forcefully, knocking him to the floor.

I really was a fuck up.

I reached out my hand for him to take but he just looked at me for a few seconds, tears in his eyes. His face broke my heart and I wanted to make him happy, I would have told him I loved him or even kissed back. However, those feelings had come and gone a while back. Plus, I was pretty sure that I loved Mabel, no matter how many of her brothers come here to tell me she's a psychopath.

That's just the way this shitty world works. Phil didn't accept my help and stood up on his own. Refusing to look into my eyes, he skulked off to his bedroom. The life being sucked out of him. He didn't even plead his case, just expected me to not want to talk about it. Maybe I didn't, it was a little awkward, when you're best friend kisses you. I mean, I had assumptions that he was gay due to recent behaviour but not that he had feelings for me nor that he would act on them. This is just making everything so much more complicated.

Audibly, I groaned.

Not wanting Phil to be completely shut off from me in his room, I went to sit outside of his door. I deserved to stay there all day. Cramping up my body and making my stitches hurt. This was what a failure deserved, one who rejected their best friend.

"I just wanted to help him. To save our friendship and now I have to dig myself out of this grave." My voice was cracked and vicious. I cried silent, slow tears. Forcing them to fall, crushing my own heart as punishment.

Phil probably couldn't hear me crying but I suddenly felt slightly self conscious of letting these emotions out so freely. Also because of his feelings. What if my crying makes him believe that he was responsible? I couldn't have that on my head as well. I'd caused so much damage.

I was careless and made him have hope that I was about to kiss him. Wait, did he actually want to kiss me? I mean, was he just experimenting with new feelings or was it something deeper? Phil couldn't like me in that way. Our relationship couldn't be ruined because Phil decided to become a homosexual.

Decided_? Really?_

Did you decide do fancy _both_ sexes? Was it some way to spite the ones who didn't understand you? No, no you didn't and neither did Phil.

_Stop being a dick._

"Phil! I know you can hear me." I shouted in monotone. Not giving away my current state. "I don't want this to be awkward." My voice cracked at the end, almost letting the tears flow once again. "We're friends! I don't care if you're gay or...whatever you are!" There didn't seem to be any reaction from Phil. I didn't think he was listening. Until I heard his reply.

"I wish I wasn't attracted to men. I wish I could be normal." Well, that is a step in he right direction. Admitting his feelings. Even if they were misguided beliefs, I've never been more happy to hear words come from Phil's mouth.

"Phil...it's okay. Being bi or gay, we're in the 21st century."

"That doesn't matter, you're saying that this won't change our friendship at all? It already has Dan!" His voice was now raised and I felt sympathy for my friend. I remember when I'd first realised that I was attracted to both men and woman. I was so scared, I don't think many of my close friends even know that I'm bisexual.

"That's not what's putting a strain on our friendship, Phil, there's something else that's fucked everything up. I'm pretty sure it isn't you being attracted to men." There it was, he now knew that I wasn't oblivious to what had just happened and he hopefully knew that I wouldn't let this change anything.

There was an unbearable silence. Then , barely audible to me, Phil replied. His voice reminding me of a nervous child. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him but at the same time, feel sorry for myself. As selfish as that may sound.

"Then what ruined our friendship?"

It was then that I realised. I had no clue as to what actually was the cause for our troubles. There wasn't anything that really came to mind. Just little things and arguments about girls. There aren't too many incidents of me and Phil being angry at each other. What changed? Was it one of us or did our channels' difference in popularity finally get to us? Did I think I was better than Phil or make him feel like I did?

In any case I was probably the one to blame.

Taking charge of the situation at hand and wanting to get to the bottom of our issues, I stood up and ordered Phil to let me into his room. He did and I walked in, sat on his bed and pulled him down to sit next to me. At a small distance to prevent awkwardness.

Not looking him in the eyes but keeping a steady voice, I started talking. I would get to bottom to our problems later. As a true friend, right now, I must support Phil.

"When did you realise that you were attracted to me?" I couldn't see his face, the tension was suffocating me but I couldn't bring myself to see his eyes. He was struggling to find an answer. I wonder what would have happened if I would have tried to kiss Phil so long ago. We probably wouldn't still be friends.

"Um...well, I-It was recently." His vice cracked and he seemed to be so embarrassed. Like I was laughing in his face. I expected him to burst into tears as soon as his sentence ended. Luckily he didn't.

"Are you gay?" A valid questions, he'd had girlfriends in the past and they say lots of men have homosexual urges at one point in their life. Something told me that that was a lie that guys said that when they didn't want to admit to being gay. Maybe, maybe not, it's their decision either way.

"No! No, no, no. Definitely not, I still like girls and everything and I only really been finding a few men attractive lately." His voice seemed rushed. Like he wanted to reassure me that there was some possibility that he was normal. Like he needed to prove something to me before I walked away.

"Relax Phil, it wouldn't be too much of a problem if you were, I just was curious!" I lifted my hands in a defensive gesture. "It's fine..." My hand touched his shoulder gently as I tried to show comfort. Wanting him to trust me and stop assuming the worst.

"What do you mean it wouldn't be a problem?" He was up on his feet, rejecting my attempt at comfort. His voice rising in both volume and pitch. "You're saying that you'd be comfortable living with me if I was bring men home? If there was a possibility that I was attracted to you?"He was blushing now, looking away from me, trying to take my mind off of his last few words.

"It's not like I'm in the best position to judge."My voice cracked and went extremely quiet. Making this situation much more awkward as Phil tried to process what he had just heard. I don't think that I have ever seen someone's facial expression change so rapidly in all of my life.

Admitting to Phil that I was attracted to both sexes after keeping it under wraps for so long was weird. It's like releasing a secret identity. Maybe not as dramatic but still pretty intense.

"What-what's that supposed to mean?"He looked me in the eyes with the most confused expression. Well, I did have a girl friend and have had a few since I have known him. Boyfriends, however, not so much. I was a lot more comfortable with girls, yes but that didn't mean that I didn't still fancy men. It was a secret. One that Phil had no idea about.

"I'm, well, I'm bisexual. I don't have the right to judge you for fancying men, Phil, it's your life. Plus, that would make me quite hypocritical." This was the strangest sensation in the world, I haven't said those words out loud for like three years. Plus, I'm pretty sure that the last time was me looking at myself in the mirror and reassuring myself that there was nothing wrong with me.

Phil's eyes went to me and he seemed to contemplating something in his head. Trying to understand everything. Whatever everything included. "Okay then...can you get out of my room now, I want to be alone." His eyes no longer looked at me and although I wanted to say more, I let myself out of his room slowly. Giving him a glance before exiting.

_That was ridiculous._

I had basically accomplished nothing. All of the problems that were eating away at me and Phil's friendship were now probably intensified by quite a bit. Which made my intent to keep our relationship alive and well was eradicated by a stupid confession that took me way too long. I could blame Phil for kissing me earlier and bringing back old memories but it wasn't him. We didn't even talk about the kiss. I didn't want Phil to have feeling for me. That would be awful, just as I find a girl who makes me happy when we've been together but a week, all of this stupid drama comes out of the blue.

Though it may be wrong to feel like this, I was angry, beyond raging. This was all a load of shit and no matter who you blame, you will never find a solution. It Phil fancies the pants off of me then I just have to hope and pray that his feelings will fade or that my old ones won't come back and ruin me and Mabel's relationship before it even becomes official.

_This is drama that I can't deal with._

A/N: Was this late? No, because I don't have a schedule, I'm a free fan fiction writer who likes watching shows about people with like fifty children rather than writing this. I am sorry that you waited for three weeks for a filler and then just over a week for this weird part that probably doesn't make much sense. Sorry guys.

Bye.


	9. The Unexpected Betrayal

Okay then, so, I have decided to have the next few chapters written ready so that I can focus on my history homework for the next two weeks rather than putting too much effort into making phan scenes come alive or even trying to do both and ending up making Phil have a dream about him and Dan having a five-way with John Lennon, JFK and MLK.

Don't tell me that that just gave you your new sixties OTP. If it did then I should be proud and terrified of my influence.

Kennelling. Phony (That doesn't work).

Here we go then!

Four weeks later.

I don't really know how long it has been since me and Phil had even chatted with each other or just shared a laugh but I'm certain that it's been over a week; it worries me. I don't know what to do so I'm not doing anything, which makes me feel like a failure but I can't change that or any thing at the moment.

Despite all of the loathing, something good did happen, my stitches were taken out a week and a half ago. Unfortunately, Phil didn't even greet me when I came back from the hospital. Yet, he still reminded me to take pain killers whilst I still needed them and he even knocked before coming into my room since all of this awkwardness erupted.

Still,no matter how many positives I conjure up, now there was even more weighing us down and despite how weird it sounds, I think that I may have checked him out yesterday whilst he was making breakfast for himself. Everything really had been knocked backwards. I finally get a girlfriend who satisfies me perfectly and all of these horny teenager traits come back. Maybe I'm missing him that much that I have to think of sexy Phil. He shall never leave me.

_As long as I believe!_

I'm even weird in my head. What the fuck is wrong with me? Right then I was sitting on the mac editing my latest video (rather miserably) and I thought of all of the good times me and Phil have had together and how much they depress me because they might as well have never happened. They're just pointless experiences now. It isn't like I'm some awesome man now because I went to shake away with Phil and we had 'philosophical' talks about celebrities and their similar characteristics to Lord of the Rings characters.

Although, my videos would never be this good without his wonderful wisdom. He's at fault for making my life better again, not just a heap of mess and entrapment. I hope to God that he understands how grateful I am, I don't want to have some weirdo cheesy confession of my insecurities and how much I respect him.

Awkwardness only ever grows in those situations.

_I feel like Gandhi with all of these words of wisdom. _

Just as that bizarre thought ran through my mind, my phone vibrated. It was Phil. The man who literally lived a room next to me just texted me in order to talk to me. Either he was an extremely lazy fuck or our friendship is a fuck. No matter what, someone's a fuck.

**Phil**

**Hey, went out. Forgot to leave a note. Not dead, I promise! **

He seemed so cheerful when he didn't have to look me in the eyes when he spoke. Oh well, I need to get over feeling sorry for myself and get to editing once again. So far this video is one of my all time favourites. It's probably one of the most creative things that I have ever brought alive on my channel.

I basically made a short film but it was the most tiring and irritating video that I have ever had the displeasure of editing. The footage is like two hours long, including mistakes. My finished product should be about twenty minutes at most. I've never hated myself more than this moment. Hearing my voice so much. Laughing or stuttering ruining my life. How could past Dan do this to future editing Dan? It was so unfair.

Apparently I'm quite popular as at that point I looked to my phone and found that I had two new messages. One from Phil and another from Mabel. This was a time for me to choose which to read first. Who did I care for more? Bros or Ho's?

Ho's.

**Mabel**

**Hey, sweet. I need you here pronto for something spectacular! xx**

Now for Phil.

**Phil**

**Dan, need you here! Ultimate meeting of creativity. No drama, promise!**

How in the name of freaking flying Jesus am I supposed to choose between these options. Mabel is understanding and hardly ever clingy but I felt obliged to be there for whatever new amazing thing that she has created. On another note, Phil is my best friend and despite the fact he's most likely talking about some youtuber party and using a crowd to make us seem like we're still the pair of awesome sauce buddies who will always have each other. Phil can try But I don't want to fail so I'm going to seem like a narcissist but I'm choosing Mabel over my friend. I'm not going somewhere just to be uncomfortable and quiet with Phil after each conversation.

**Reply**

**Sorry, feeling ill, going to bed early.**

It's like 6:30pm. Phil better not be worried or something. That would just be annoying considering it takes me being ill to even get him to be friendly towards me again.

After putting some jeans over my boxers and reapplying some nice man smell product, I was ready for Mabel and left the house with my coat. My phone still on the coffee table in the living room because I don't want to hear Phil's fake complaining.

_How can you hear a text, Dan?_

Stupid brain. When I finally reached her home, I kind of wondered what in the world I was doing there. I mean, I kind of abandoned my buddies for a woman.

Who cares? It's only this one time, they won't find out and I could easily excuse it. The guilt still grew inside me and by the time I'd knocked on Mabel's door, I felt like I was going to collapse right there. Then I saw her answer the door in a black dress, with dim lighting behind her and my favourite muse song playing. Now the guilt didn't seem so bad, I felt quite loved at that point. She pulled me in and shit the door before leading me to the kitchen where her dining table was lined with so many snacks.

Looking into her eyes and taking in her smiling face, I had to ask something. This was weird, it can't just be spontaneous.

"What's the occasion?"A smile crept onto my face as I continued to look at her. Not really knowing what could have possibly put her in such a great mood. I don't believe I' the direct cause for these amazing acts of kindness. I was wondering why she hadn't texted me all day. She must have been really busy.

"Well, take a guess at who's T-shirt design is being sold in H&Ms all over Britain from now on?" That was good news, this was like a milestone in her designing career. "Plus, my insane brother sent me a message today and according to him, I'm not some insane alcoholic. So, someone I love actually believes in me and my careers taking off!" No wonder she is so happy. She hasn't told me much about her family or relationships but I knew that they weren't very supportive. Not just because one of them came to my house and warned Phil about her. Psychopath.

"Fantastic! Good for you! So now we're celebrating by eating our weight in unhealthy snacks? Sounds good." I lifted he up, she isn't too heavy, and kissed her repeatedly on the lips whilst spinning around. What a cheesy moment. She was hysterical with laughter and I let her down gently, kissed her once again on the lips briefly and we both went to sit at the table to chow down.

My abandoned buddy forgotten as I had fun with my girlfriend.

Phil's POV.

I tried. Really, I did try to help our friendship and rebuild a part of it through inviting Dan for a drinks with my brother but he still refused to talk to me. Maybe I've been a bit difficult to hang out with recently and he's been looking so dead since we stopped communicating. At least he tried to save us whilst it was still possible. I didn't do anything and now it's too late.

My brother was looking at me with a worried expression as I delved deeper in the darkest parts of my mind. All of my insecurities and points for self loathing coming forward. Right then I just wanted to drink more and more until I felt comfortable letting these things out. Though I don't want Martin to see that my teenager experience was repeating itself. I don't want him to be angry with me again or bring back bad memories, for both of us. But he can't keep his mouth shut and I can't help but be polite.

"Phil? You okay, you seem to be downing those pretty quickly, bro." His brows were furrowed and I couldn't help feel bad for making him worry again but for some reason I couldn't help but feel like he already knew what was bothering me. To be honest, I was almost suspicious. He didn't just seem like he knew what was wrong but he had the guiltiest expression on his face and I knew right then that he was hiding something from me and that gave me a very bad feeling.

"Don't worry about it..." I looked down, thinking over some more hopeless situations before downing the rest of my gin and tonic. For some reason, my alcohol theory wasn't working and it was making me feel a lot worse. If Martin had anything serious to say then he should start cracking on before I start crying about Dan. God, it was like I was pregnant.

I'm starting to not like drunk Phil's thoughts. Luckily they were interrupted as I got a pat on the shoulder. I turned to see a girl. An extremely pretty girl who seemed to be roughly my age and was smiling very suggestively at me. Well, being right next to my brother made it a little hard to flirt and whatever so I just smiled back and went back to my drink. I couldn't be bothered to flatter some woman who probably doesn't even like me. Ignoring her seemed to work after a while though and I sighed with relief.

Martin was looking at me again with an odd expression before going back to sipping his drink. Whatever it was. But then he spoke and what came out of his mouth made me want to cry, kill, die and the above. His words put everything in an even more prominent cloud of despair.

"I'm leaving England. I'm sorry."That was all I was given from the person who has taught me almost everything that I know. All that he gave me was a few words and he would soon be gone. I lose a friend and my brother. The two people who I most care about and they have both give up on me.

My eyes drifted towards my brother and a sudden morose feeling enveloped me and the tears lowed before, rather loudly, I responded to his bombshell. "Is that all I get? A little apology and some bombshell? Why you leaving, then? Some pretty foreign girlfriend? I can't believe this." It was almost as if I had become someone else and I hated it. The intoxicated feeling was still there and along with that I felt a sadness weighing me down. Checking my phone, I realised that it was 9:30pm so I decided that I would call Dan and make sure he wasn't hurt or in danger considering he seemed pretty ill earlier. I mean, he doesn't go to bed that early; ever.

After quite a few rings, there was no answer but I kept trying and came up with nothing. He wasn't answering his phone, something must have been seriously wrong with him. Maybe if I would have went to his room and personally told him that I was going out then I would have been able to guess that he was ill and would have taken care of him. Made sure he wasn't dead or depressed or something. Right now I was scared out of my mind for him. I hailed for a taxi and got in, telling the driver my address and trying to keep as cool as a cucumber so as to avoid bursting into sobs in front of a stranger. Being this intoxicated made everything so dramatic.

When the journey ended, I paid the taxi driver ad ran to the building, sprinting into the lift before the doors closed and receiving many strange looks from those also taking he elevator. Who cares? Dan was probably dying and I wasn't even there to help. How could I cope if I found out he was really ill and I wasn't there for him? That would most likely be the last straw in our friendship. I'm such a bad person.

Before having a mental break down in front of this small crowd of people, my stop came and I dashed out, trying my hardest to get to the apartment as quick as humanly possible. Dan better be grateful when I come to his rescue, my lungs were on fire. I finally was at my door and fumbled with the lock before pushing open the door, mind still hazy when I saw the house completely darkened as well as being eerily quiet.

No one seemed to be home...

_Arse hole! He blew me off._

Dan actually pretended to be sick enough to go to bed at six just so he didn't have to spend time with me. It's probably bad that this makes me feel a little better about myself for not being the only one who seems to be avoiding the other. It's almost understandable actually, I mean, why would you go somewhere when you know it's just going to be annoying, silent and awkward.? That was everything that we fought against. Though, I still hated the idea that he refused me. Being rejected was never nice, especially by your best friend, who you might be in love with; who you kissed a few weeks ago. That was the worst type of person to reject you. As long as he's not out having hot sex with Mabel then I'm sort of cool. I mean, that's just crossing a line. Abandoning me because we're on weird terms is fair enough but leaving me alone for a woman? That's like man treason. But without a queen... or death.

Drunk me is getting on my nerves. However, if I found out Dan chose Mabel over me today in this state then I would have probaby ended up actually confronting him about it, which is a good thing rather than sulking in my room. I suppose.

He really better not have though. I'm intoxicated and in sexy gay love with my best friend, I'm a danger to anyone, let alone Dan, or even better, selfish Dan. Don't mess with passionate Phil.

Dan's POV.

"Some how it just gets better every time we do it..." We were now cuddling in Mabel's bed and it was around ten...I think? I'm n completely sure but to be honest, I don't care. Nothing is actually very clear in my head at the moment. It's like a passion hang over. But I want to sleep more.

"Tell me about it. Maybe it's because I'm older, you have to prove something." She was smirking, making fun of me about my age again. She wasn't that much older. If she was then it would be a bi weird. "At least you're getting better." Now she was grinning, a cheeky glint inn her eye and she leaned up off my chest to peck me on the lips before withdrawing and getting out of bed and getting dressed in what I had presumed to be pyjamas. We'd never actually slept over each others houses before so I didn't know what she wore to bed. Tracksuit bottoms and a tank top apparently.

I didn't know whether I should stay here or go home. If I don't leave then Phil might figure out that I had abandoned him for Mabel and I don't want to make him feel bad. He was still my friend. On that note, I lifted myself from the bed and went to put my clothes back on. Mabel looking at me confused.

"What are you doing? You can't exactly sleep in your day clothes, Dan. That doesn't make sense." This wasn't one of her smarter moments but I had to explain and make sure we weren't on bad terms. It's not the best impression when you just keep pleasing and leaving. It makes me seem like there are more important places to be. Of course that's exactly why I'm going but it doesn't mean that she should have known that.

"Got to go. I kind of...ditched Phil to be here and I need to go home before he finds out." Honesty. Why did you tell the truth? This is going to get her thinking about Phil hating her or you being ashamed to be around her too long. Great one.

"Great. You should try and stay over next time."She was oddly monotone but I knew that she was disappointed so I walked towards her, fully clothed, and hugged her. I apologised quickly and pecked her on the lips before she led me to the door and I left soon after. Sneaking a few more affectionate gestures in.

Soon enough, I was home again and back in the house. Phil being the first thing I see, passed out on the sofa. Trying not to laugh, I headed towards the kitchen and grabbed a bowl before filling said bowl with water and going over to pour it over him.

He was hit with the cold and shot up, glaring at me. At least he was mildly sober and I probably wouldn't have to deal with any annoying dramas or arguments. Unless, I'm misjusdginf this and he's still hammered. His glare was half hearted and soon he just lookeed down and a tense atmmosphere engulfed the living room.

_It was almost like old times._

I stared at him for a while before going to say something but to my surprise, Phil cut me off.

"So, you were so ill that you couldn't come out?" He was almost whispering and it gave me a bad feeling. Like I should be on alert. "If you didn't want to come then you don't have to lie to me, Dan!" His voice was loud and hoarse. Obviously he was still quite drunk. Although, that didn't make me feel any less like a dick.

"I ju-just...I don't know, Mabel texted and..." His harmless glare was now promising a variety of painful outcomes as I pondered what he was going to do. This was not my friend. Phil was never like this. Something drastic must have happened. He had finally snapped.

"Mabel? That's what was going on? You went off to shag some crazy girl instead of fixing our friendship?"He was crying. His rage filled tears streaming down his face. Such a hurt expression painted across his face. IT almost scared me just how passionate he seemed. At some point in this situation I was sure that I would have a heart attack. On the other hand, he was kind of insulting me and though I blame myself for much of the failures in this life, there were many little things that I'd buried deep inside that make me just want to scream at him.

"And you're so perfect? The amount of times that you've left me to go off with someone else. You can't fucking judge!" To anyone else hearing this conversation we sounded like a married couple. Now was not the time for jokes. "Plus, you just had to kiss me! You couldn't just hold yourself back. Everyone has to be putty in Phil's hands because Phil is the centre of the fucking Universe! Just because your mum thinks so doesn't mean it's true!" Now we were getting a little personal and I was scared due to Phil currently being vulnerable, sensitive and intoxicated. He wasn't in the right mind to argue with anyone.

"I had to? You think that I wanted to ruin our friendship? You were putting it to dust anyway!" He was downright sobbing now; on his knees. Rather than a fight, this had now started to become some sort of weird heart to heart and Phil's scrunched up face right then, looking me in the eyes with an expression of a pleading man at his wit's end. Phil wanted my help. "You're so much better than me and I hate it, Dan! I fucking despise the fact that I put on this nice guy face and everything but I get hate from your fans! I get less subscribers then you even though I've been around much longer!" Right now, there was only one word that could be used to describe Phil at this point, almost on the floor crying his heart out. He looked so...alone.

"It isn't fair...It is-isn't fair... It is NOT fucking fair!" His tears had almost subsided now but his eyes were empty and it seemed like almost every negative feeling had come out. But then he stood up and walked up to me. A slow pace. I was scared to speak. Not wanting to cause more pain to my friend, no matter how much there was that I wanted to say, but then when he was close enough, he leaned in close, mouth at my ear and stated in a shaky but stern voice, "I love you..." then he was off of me and looking me in the eyes, walking forward again, forcing me to end up with my back to the wall.

He pointed his finger in my face, a menacing tone and facial expression. His mood had once again changed. Worrying me even more. How much did he drink? "Phil, I'm sorry you feel that way but I can't do anything about my feelings. Please understand! You're my friend, I'm no going to lose you because of these new feelings. They could fade. Don't worry."My voice was shaking and I was on the verge of tears but I stared strong. Not letting my shield waver. Keeping strong could help me keep safe right now because I was literally up against a wall by a temperamental Phil who was confessing his love to me.

"I know the doubts, Dan and I have been wanting them to be true ever since this started! Don't you understand though? I love you and I want you to love me back. I don't want you to have a girlfriend. I want my friend back but now..I want more."He was crying a river again and I felt awkward as well as sorry. His head dropped to my and he cried for what seemed like an eternity before he just stayed there. I didn't want to move him from his comfortable position so I just patted him gently on the back. Trying hard to show that I still care but that I'm not into him on an intimate level.

After a few pats and sighs, he lifted his head and looked me in the eyes before saying something very unexpected.

"I'm sorry..." He turned and that was the last that I'd seen of him for the night. Hopefully it wouldn't be the last time I saw him for too long. Tomorrow, we would talk and this time, he wouldn't be off of his face.

I'll be honest, I'm not looking forward to breaking my best friends heart but I have to and that's a duty. A duty for Phil, eve if he doesn't see it that way.

A/N: Hello! This was a pretty long chapter, wasn't it? Strange. It's like half past eleven and I'm already finished. I was on a roll with this one. I hope you enjoyed. I think this is one of the only chapters of this story that I actually like.

Review, if you'd like to any ways. Not my call.


	10. I wish I could forget

I'm sorry that this has taken a while. This is why I never set a schedule. I'm just that unreliable. Plus, I have had a bit of a bad week. I'm feeling a little down at the moment and that is the blame for this being horrible.

Yeah,_ that's_ what's to blame...

JK, I don't know what's to come, this could be al-right, who knows?

Here we go.

Phil's POV

All of those bloody fan fictions that people have sent to me. The ones where me and Dan fell in to the others arms after hearing the long awaited confession.

_That isn't at all what had just happened._

Confidence hadn't even played a part, just desperation and the need for attention from the only person that I have ever truly loved.

Everything has gone to shit. No matter what he has to say, his agonising attempt at putting me down gently will be even worse than those times in the past that he's tried so hard to act modest when he'd succeeded in something important or even the last two weeks that we'd shared, avoiding each other's contact at all costs. Preventing awkwardness. Now I'd just ruined everything and to make it worse it isn't even the first time. To say that this has happened more than once just brings new meanings to the word loser.

Why couldn't I have controlled my emotions? Or better yet, been born normal? I just wanted to be normal, live without the negativity of others interfering with my life. But that didn't happen and here I am, a loser who's lost his friend, just because of some ridiculous feelings.

Then I was raging, anger flooded through me and after punching my pillows a few times, I broke down. After came the tears, the ones that just flowed and they were uncontrollable. Dan would have heard me but he didn't do anything. Trying not to intrude, perhaps the act of a true friend in the eyes of some but his indifference put a further strain on my heart.

Soon the intensity in my chest, the soreness of my lips from trying to keep as quiet as possible, almost led me to believing that something was seriously wrong, that this feeling was too intense. Love can't _truly_ have that much of an affect. It almost felt like I was having a heart attack. Though, maybe he didn't mean to, Dan had forced fire into my chest with his words but when that fire was gone, the anger leaving me vulnerable, winter had dawned in my ventricles. Ice engulfing my innards.

Some of the most painful (and lasting) agonies are the results of accidents or idiots trying to fix the unfixable. That was what I truly believed. Dan had proved it by breaking me down. One awkward silence after another, sucking the life out of me, second by bleeding second.

Why couldn't everything have just gone well? How could his even happen? He was a bisexual so that wasn't issue, Mabel must really be the reason. My friend may just be drifting slowly away towards the real love of his life.

Who wasn't me.

A new rapid flow of watery sadness left my eyes. The pain had become way too much for me to handle and I didn't want to have to go out in the morning and face Dan. Maybe I wouldn't have to think about it if I just went straight to sleep. Remembering that there were some sleeping pills in the bathroom cabinet, I slowly headed out of my door and ran directly into the lavatory to find my saviours. With them I wouldn't have to think to much about anything until morning. Who cared if I was running from my problems? They could wait until morning, Dan did need to sleep too.

Arriving at the cabinet doors, I searched for the pills, pulling out all of the many painkiller packets that were in the way, which included a couple empty bottles and boxes.

Just as I grabbed the pills and was holding a hoard of other drug packaging, my friend walked in on me. A man who had just been crying his eyes out for god knows how long was standing before him holding too many packets of pills to even count.

_Fuck my life...with a paracetamol._

Dan's POV

I stood there, looking at my puffy eyed companion, holding packets beyond packets of drugs that, with the right amount, could kill him. Hoping to any possible overlord out there, I had prayed inside my mind that I'd walked in at the wrong time, he was just getting some pills, no big deal.

However, I have a logical mind that jumps to conclusions. Therefore, in my panicked state, I grabbed some drug packets and threw them into the bath, glaring at Phil. Knowing that that was the wrong move but being to angry and ashamed to control myself. I was ashamed that I was the cause of his sadness. This caused me to be stupid when arguing against his choice. Although, I knew that no matter what I did, I could not change the fact he was in love with me or even change his darkened mood. I had to face the fact that my friend was out of my protection from this point, facing his decisions would be the hardest and the failure would haunt me like no other. Maybe sooner, I could have doe something to prevent these feelings, but here they were, showing just how I'd fucked up; he wanted to die.

Phil didn't seem the type to throw it all away but he'd changed a lot and the emotions were obviously taking control. At this point, temperamental Dan was taking over and he could snap a any moment. My fear of losing my friend felt all too real so to make of for the fact that I couldn't change his feelings, I tried with all of my might to stop him from dying; from killing himself.

"What the actual fuck is going on?"My voice was too high pitched to be a grown man's. The anger and fear of loss was overwhelming and though I was acting headstrong and demanding, I was at my most vulnerable. Phil was quick to answer, trying to defend himself.

"No, Dan, it isn't like that I swear!"His hands were held up in a defensive position and his voice was rushed but almost calm and his eyes were directly in line with mine. Making the guilt build up even more.

_Now he was lying even more to protect my feelings._

"Try and make excuses when you aren't holding a bunch of pills!"Now I was almost hysterical, the feelings overflowing and engulfing me in a fit of rage,angst and desperation. "Didn't you think? How could I handle not having my best friend around? I suppose you've always been selfish! Ruining everything!"

_Where was all of this coming from? _

It was as if I had verbal diarrhoea and there was no known way to stop it. Every feeling that had ever come to me during my time with Phil was coming back. My angry side was here and Phil's shocked face brought even more unwanted confessions.

"You just _had_ to get feelings for me now! You just didn't want to share your friend! Just when I find someone that I care about! You fuck up everything with your stupid emotions and-and... _guilt trips!" _

Phil stood there as if he'd heard this all before. Then it occurred to me that this is what he'd been feeling on top of love and attraction. He'd been _afraid_. Frightened that he'd ruined everything. Now I'd just told him what he already seemed to know but definitely wasn't prepared for.

His face brought back all of the guilt and the feelings of rejection that I had once been unlucky to experience when I believed myself to be in love with my best friend. All of the times that I been so petrified to admit my feelings because of the likely consequences but there he was. Brave enough (drunk enough) to tell me what he wanted. On top of that, unhappy enough to attempt suicide. I was making him feel worse. As a friend, I should be at least trying to help properly but now I was driving this amazing person to their self inflicted death.

Looking up, not realising that I'd been staring at the floor for so long, Phil's eyes met mine in an intense but understanding gaze. I understood what he was feeling and his eyes were kind. He was trying to comfort _me._ His hand landed on my shoulder and I broke down at his careful contact. The tears falling, the emotions I was feeling all jumbled and unidentifiable. Pathetic whimpering sounds escaping my lips as my older companion tried to help. Sitting with me, arm around my shoulder, just patting and stroking occasionally.

He wasn't trying to gain intimacy or anything, just a friend and his behaviour led me to be even more baffled by his sudden interest in suicide. How could such a together man even have such thoughts? Well, almost together, considering the outburst from a few hours ago.

Despite the seemingly never ending flow of tears, I managed to still speak. Or more accurately, plead with Phil. Looking into his eyes and taking in the limited but obvious warmth radiating off of him, I spoke with all of the control that I could muster and every shed of pain and self loathing was heard in my cracked tone.

"What made you try something so-so stupid? Did I really hurt you that much?" His lips moved for a second, about to speak again but I chimed in quickly before I'd lost the courage. "I'm sorry..."It was barely a whisper but at our close proximity, I knew that Phil cold hear me. That gave me hope that he had actually listened and taken in my apology. Truly identifying that I was in pain, pain because of the guilt of causing pain to someone special.

After my apology, I rece9ved a comforting pat on the leg before he decided that he would try once again to defend himself.

"I was just looking for sleeping pills, sometimes, Dan, you are way too dramatic. Drama lama." How he played it out was unexpected. Phil sounded amused. Amused. Was he still lying. Maybe I just didn't want to look as stupid as I had been but I was almost certain Phil had tried to kill himself. "If I was trying to kill myself, I would have planned more."

Though the weighted doubt was lifting from my shoulders slightly, his statement still worried me. Was he planning it now? Is that why he was so amused by this, because this attempt seemed almost funny? Okay, now I was getting crazy, Phil wasn't some kind of psychopath. Or...was he?

I'm officially bonkers.

"Dan don't look so serious. I'm not suicidal I promise. Don't be so narcissistic that I would kill my self just because of you! Mr Wonderful!" He was mocking me and I could tell by his stupid tone. Never in my life has the mood of a situation changed so quickly. It was as if we were both insane but had no idea. However, his humour sounded a little dark to be Phil's. Maybe that was part of the joke. He was most likely still drunk as well.

"Any one would die just thinking that they couldn't have this arse!" At this moment, I was regretting the words that had previously escaped my mouth. I'd just confirmed that he couldn't have me. Well, reminded him. Both were just as bad and we went quiet for quite some time before he lifted himself up, using my leg for leverage.

Looking back down at me and picking up the sleeping pills again, (I hadn't realised that he'd dropped them) Phil looked down at me and said something heart breaking before leaving quickly.

"Forget about tonight...I wish I could..." Though the second part was a lot more like a whisper and much harder to hear, it still brought a stinging sensation to my heart. I didn't hear from Phil again that night, I went straight to bed, hoping that I really had the ability to forget like Phil had thought. Although it sounded selfish and sick, I felt almost accomplished that Phil loved me, the past "lovestruck Dan"'s dream had come true but that fact made me almost happy that Phil was being devoured from the inside out.

Once in bed, I thought about the times that I rarely thought about, the memories of me and Phil when we had first met and how at first,I was head over heels in love with him. I'd thought he was flirting, and maybe he was, but then came the images of him and girls. Pretty girls that weren't around for long because they didn't really love him. They didn't care for his immaturity and despised his haircut or attachments to his friends. Those were the worst of times but they made this night almost seem better. Once in my life, I truly understood someone who wasn't me.

Too bad it wasn't under better circumstances.

With I fell asleep and had dreams filled with broken pianos and naked old ladies and I was terrified, at least it was musical.

A/N I'm not quite sure what the dream thing was about but oh well!

By the way, I'll be editing a few scenes from past chapters that I didn't like. No drastic changes will be made. Just a few less horribly written angsty moments.


	11. Use you

Hey. So it's the new chapter. I hope you enjoy.(I almost spelt enjoy with an I)

Three months later.

Phil's POV.

Since our moment in the bathroom after he thought that I'd tried to commit suicide, me and Dan's relationship as best friends improved ten fold, Only to once again plummet back down to its old state where a chat was rare and drinking coffee became a very lonely act.

My 'friend' was at Mabel's place for the fourth time this week, it was only Thursday. Though, tonight he was staying over rather than spending a few hours there and coming back with a happy face that will disappear as soon as I'm in sight.

It's a sad life sometimes. Not now, though. In the last few weeks, I've been going out a lot more and have even went on a few dates. Mostly with men because they usually have more in common with me. That's where I was then, waiting for the last guy that had asked me out - _asked me out – _at the busiest Starbucks on this side of London. I mean, seriously? How many people have to stay in Starbucks to drink coffee when it's summer?

The rage at occupants of Starbucks ended when my date arrived. He was a little cocky but a pretty nice guy. Not the most amazing person but he'd do. It wasn't like we were getting engaged.

His hair was light blue and quite short with no fringe, just short spikes. In other words, he looked like he was trying way to hard to be different. He was already gay, how much more different could he get?

When he caught sight of me, he half smiled and walked over before sitting down. For a while, it didn't seem like any of us would speak and even though I didn't have much interest in this guy, the nerves were starting up.

"Well, I guess awkward silences are tradition for first dates. How are you?" Oh god, did he want more dates? At that point I decided that this going further or us developing a relationship couldn't have been that bad.

"I'm fine. This is a little embarrassing, but I don't think I remember your name."I blushed, not completely sure why but it probably had something to do with just how rude I was to forget my date's name.

Luckily, rather than humiliating me further, he just laughed and I was liking him more by the second. No romantic feelings yet though. He was really nice so far, not as cocky as he was when I'd found him in the gay club.

"Why don't you guess?" He bit his lip and gave me an amused look. For a second, I thought he would just tell me but then he spoke again. "Go on!" A smile was planted on his lips and it was nice to see someone happy for a change considering I had looked in he mirror for twenty minutes before leaving for this outing, it was a nice change.

"Okay, don't be too pushy. Is it something beginning with 'J'?" A shaking of his head was my answer and I started to get competitive as I tried to tap into the memory of intoxicated Phil from the other night. "Does it begin with a 'C'?" This time he shook his head again and I almost managed to smile.

Looking into my eyes and smirking cockily, he spoke. "Give up? Phil." He dragged out the syllables of my name, showing that he'd bothered to remember me. He was victorious and I decided that the best way to end this flirting game was to just surrender. I was no match for his glory.

"Yeah, sure, I give up. You're the winner, I'm the loser. Now tell me your name so we can talk properly." I managed to keep a half smile on my face through out the whole sentence which was pretty impressive.

"It's David. You know, like the saint." This guy confused me, his personality was so different to his appearance.

_But he isn't Dan..._

That thought was like a blade to the heart. The fact that I may never find someone as amazing and wonderful as Dan ruined every happy thought that graced my mind these days. I hadn't talked to him in days, I'd just been out clubbing, even having sex on some occasions. Just one night stands though. Once, I even called out Dan's name. That was really awkward. I just pretended that I thought that their name was Dan. Their real name was Joseph.

Who would have thought that someone so special could bring so much harm, just for that very reason. Just because I fell in love, I get punished. Fantastic.

Oh well, David was nice enough and he probably just wanted a fling anyway. If he didn't then I'd have to of just acted like a dick until I was dumped. It was a lot better that way. Dan was away for the night. He couldn't complain about me having hot sex on the sofa with a partial stranger if he wasn't there. Me and David needed to hurry up our date.

"Yeah, but I won't be worshipping any saints today so don't get your hopes up. I'm the amazing Phil. You should bow down to me right now." My words were over enthusiastic and way too cocky for someone like me but David was laughing softly, looking down.

"All right." You want me to get a coffee for you? I'm parched." He was looking me straight in the eyes, in those orbs, I saw his attraction for me and I couldn't help but feel guilty. This guy may have liked me and I would've just led him on for sex or even just good company.

"Sure, caramel macchiato, please." I was glad that he was buying the coffee, it made me feel like I was on a proper date but I sill felt the nagging in the back of my mind that I was not doing the right thing and I should at least have tried to get over Dan for David, even though we'd only been talking for a little while.

After about five minutes, David was back with both of our coffees and a chocolate muffin. Probably for him. Considering I hadn't asked for one. Fortunately, I was met with a pleasant surprise as my date set the muffin in the middle of the table with both beverages. Smiling at me, he spoke.

"Would you like to shared this muffin with me?" His face was once again graced with that little smile and his eyes crinkled. Waiting for an answer, David took a sip of his drink.

"Why not?" It felt nice to say yes. Like I was starting to get somewhere, even though I hardly felt anything toward David at the moment, it seemed that we had potential, well, enough to make me fee a little less bad about the Dan and me situation.

Picking up the muffin, David lifted to my mouth and I felt like I was having the full experience as I took a bite of the sweet delight. When I smiled at him, stilling chewing the sweet, he smiled back and took a bite of his own. From then on, we ate the rest of the enormous muffin together and drank our coffees. When we were both finished, we had arrived at a weird subject for the first date. It was a good weird.

"So do you have any first date restrictions or anything. He smirked and I smirked back. Pretendnig to think about my answer before replying to his questions.

"Nope." I smiled this time. "Do you?" He shook his head and I felt a foot slide up my leg. Slowly moving up and down, causing my body temperature to heighten slightly. Mostly out of embarrassment and excitement as epochal could see under our table and exactly what we were doing.

Despite ,my urge to start my own round of footsie, I decided on a better idea, with the same outcome.

(a/n LITERALLY. I'm sorry, I had to make that joke.)

Leaning forward. Spoke in a low tone, thick with lust and anticipation. "You want to come back t my place." My answer was just a smirk and immediately, we headed for the door, our items already being paid for.

After an agonisingly long walk of ten minutes, we were at the door of my house. Fumbling with the keys, I tried to keep my hands steady whilst David sucked in my neck. Then he was nibbling on my ear lobe and I managed finally to open the door. As soon as we were able, we stumbled into the house and he closed the door before bombarding me with kisses again. Our lips collided and the lust present was colossal.

He nibbled on my bottom lip and before he could explored my mouth, I launched my tongue into his. Taking in every taste and texture that I could, I was blessed with the taste of sweet coffee and chocolate once again. I didn't know where the strong taste of mint had come fro but it was delightful addition nonetheless.

I couldn't help but imagine this being Dan. With that thought in my mind, I became even harder, almost ripping out David's hair as I revelled in the feel of his tongue in my mouth. His moans brought me out of the lovely fantasies of this situation taking place with Dan as my co star.

How I wanted David to be Dan. Just the mere thought of running my fingers through Dan's brown locks made me almost ravenous. Tears were almost falling but that wasn't important right now. Sex was he main priority, no matter how horrible that had sounded, it was the main thought running through my mind.

My hand was on his arse, squeezing it like it would give me immortality. Then I was moving my other hand from his hair to his back, walking backwards slowly, trying hard to lead him to the sofa without breaking or kiss as well as trying not to break my neck. Doing this with my eyes closed wasn't very helpful.

We were on the sofa, touching and groping, my hands had once again moved from his body to his penis and despite my limited space because of his boxers, I still managed to pump fast, bringing him to orgasm after a few minutes. Unfortunately, I was under him although I was being dominant, so I couldn't remove his clothing as easily but I didn't dare try and switch places, we would fall off the sofa.

With this in mind, I just tried my hardest to remove his long sleeved shirt but it was really tight on him. He gave me some assistance and just as he'd thrown his garment to the other side of the room, the front door opened.

_Shit._

So much lovin. I bet your pissed aout Phil's new lover and the fact I left you to imagine what's to come next.


	12. All my fault

"Do you want me to make dinner yet, babe?" Mabel seemed so happy lately. Not to sound narcissistic but I thought that I was maybe the cause of that because I'd been visiting a lot more. I'd been here every day this week and tonight I was even staying over. Our relationship was getting serious and I thought that I was ready but I couldn't help but think mine and Phil's deteriorating friendship was one of he main causes for the success of my relationship with my girlfriend.

At least I was moving on. Phil just seemed to be avoiding me rather than getting on with his life. I couldn't help but feel sorry for his new found loneliness. Well, I assumed that he was lonely.

Apparently I had taken too long to answer during my internal dilemnas. I tried to pretend like I was actually paying attention to the world around me but inevitably failed obviously as I received a slightly worried glance from Mabel and a repeat of her question.

"Do you want me to make dinner now?" Maybe it was just me but she seemed to say that in a bit of a patronising tone. Well, I did have the focus of a coma patient lately. "You know, lately you've been really out of it. You okay?" Now she was sitting in front of me with a worrying glance but it felt almost intrusive, how until now, she hasn't even noticed my behaviour.

"Yeah, 'course. Why wouldn't I be?" Her intrusion and the many negative thoughts going through my head right now were making it very difficult to keep a kind face. It wasn't like I blamed her or was even angry at her, it was just that she was there and Phil wasn't. Plus, I needed to be angry at someone.

She didn't seem to buy it and put a comforting hand on my knee, making me annoyed at myself for becoming angry. If I was going to scream at anyone, it would've and should have been Phil. After her next sentence though, my mind didn't seem to listen to its own advice.

"I know you and Phil are fighting, I get you're best buddies and everything but you'll work it out soon. Don't worry about it." Her single dimple showed when she gave me that 'reassuring' smile. My insides felt like they were knotting together and my whole body was tense. That voice, the one that tried to make everything seem that it was okay might as well of told me that I was never going to have any more friends ever again and Phil would throw rocks at me when I arrived home.

I might as well have been fourteen again with the words that left my lips in retaliation.

"You don't understand, so don't try and pretend like without my 'buddy' in the way, you're a lot happier!" Brushing off her hand and standing up, I pointedly accused her of something I would regret later. "It's you, isn't it? You're holding me back. Keeping me from my best friend. I bet you're planning just how you're going to get me to move in with you or trap me in your little circle."

My reply was a simple sentence and Mabel going over to the front door, opening it and pointing outward. "Why don't you go plan out how you're going to stop acting like a baby." The worst thing about her response was probably the fact that I knew that I'd been acting like a toddler. Or maybe it was the fact that I would have to go home to Phil and face him without saying a word of truth. Maybe not saying anything at all.

Walking sulkily out of the door, I doubled back, trying to at at least apologise but I was cut off by the door slamming. I didn't care how childish it had seemed but I blamed Phil for this. For every little strain on my relationship, our current situation and the two years of torture that occurred when I had feelings for him but he didn't see any change at all. He may be the reason for my amazing job and all of these oppurtunities but sometimes, I wished that he'd never have entered my life at all.

Starting to walk home, I stopped to hail a taxi and quickly landed in the back seat. Telling the driver my destination and trying to keep control of my emotions. If I was reluctant to let my best friend see my true feelings then a stranger was definitely out of the question.

When I had finally arrived, I was have anticipating, half dreading going home. Never the less, I paid the he driver, tipping generously for once, and almost flew out of the door. Putting down the fears of what I was going to possibly find. Who knew what Phil would be doing whilst he had the place to himself. Maybe I had been wrong before then and he'd actually found someone else to occupy his time with these last few weeks. Something deep in my heart wanted t find a lonely Phil like I was used to coming home to.

The ride in the lift was full of more doubts and past feelings coming to light. Anger was once again taking over my whole system and at that point, all I wanted was the ability to go into my house knowing that I could relax or even try and talk to Phil.

He had every reason to be there. It wasn't like you needed to avoid someone who wasn't there. I had ruled out the possibility of him having company, I would have been aware if Phil would have found someone else to spend his time with.

Slowly, I exited the lift and walked towards my front door. Reaching for my keys, I quickly opened the door, happy to be home. Then I heard something and the interference with my 'cool down' time was indeed unwelcome.

Not knowing what had come over me, I stormed into the living room, taking note of the discarded shirt on the loor before I saw Phil and some stranger making out on the sofa. Every feeling of the day was coming back and coming together in one ball of fury s I felt as if my control over myself had completely diminished.

My body was on a mission and I went toward the sofa, grabbing the blue haired dick head by the hair and I dragged him away, dropping him to the floor next to the door way to the hall way.

Then I turned to Phil, lying flustered on the sofa with a red face that was riddled with confusion as he stared at me. I soon realised that I had been a little bit rash but then again, not only had Phil taken some random stranger into our home but they were just about to have sex, on our sofa. That was not poilte at all.

"Dan? What the hell is wrong with you?" The stranger stood p then and stepped forward, looking towards Phil with a seemingly annoyed face. Maybe he had gotten the wrong idea by my act of rage. At least I hadn't hit him.

Strange man with blue hair then decided to ask his own question. He seemed to be pretty pissed. Well, I had interrupted something. People should think twice before having sex on random men's sofas.

"Phil, is this your boy friend or something? I'm not like that you kno-"

"No, no, David. Dan's just my flat mate. I'm sorry about this." Phil stood up from the sofa and walked over to the discardeed t shirt before handing it to 'David'. They shard a glance before the weird guy put his shirt back on.

T be completely honest, I felt extremely awkward as this little exchange was going on and a little guilty because I had interrupted. More than that though, I felt conflicted, was my interference just rage filled or was I jealous?

Not like it would have ever mattered if I didn't apologise to Phil and David. So I did, I tried to sound as masculine as possible, making this guy aware of who is boss. Probably didn't work but it was worth a shot.

"Uh, Phil, stranger, I'm sorry, it's just I've had a bad day." It wasn't the best excuse but it seemed to work as David just smiled at me, hugged Phil and left. He seemed a little rushed but I didn't really want him here any more. As bad as that had sounded. Despite that sounding antisocial, it was true.

My friend looked to me for a second and didn't speak. At that point, I knew that my 'sorry' was not enough for him and I'd just created a situation where the atmosphere was like a ton of bricks sitting on both of our shoulders. It was my fault that our lives had changed so drastically. I should then face that and apologise for more than ruining Phil's chances to get lucky.

_That was low._

Looking him in the eyes, I started , not really knowing how to. After a few seconds of silence, I finally found the right words and hoped to god that everything would be okay. Then again, god didn't really like me that much, so I just burst into tears before anything could leave my lips.

To my horror, Phil came to my comforting rescue and led me to the sofa, where, like the real man that I was, I broke down even further. The fights with Mabel, the drama with Phil, the sense of rejection that I had felt every time I saw Phil flirting with someone else for the first few months after I'd first met him.

Gently patting my left shoulder and wrapping his right arm around me. I didn't deserve a friend like him but because of the comfort and how it felt to feel cared about, that thought didn't matter too much at that point. No matter how selfish it was to divulge in Phil's comfort. He deserved some form of comfort himself or even some kindness.

"I'm sorry. I ruin everything, I didn't mean for this to happen. " I looked him in the eyes, disregarding the boldness (stupidity) of my next act, I leant in, my nose brushing against Phil's, closing my eyes upon hearing his sharp intake of breath. Then, once again, I leaned in and finally...

our lips connected.

A/N I did it again, I'm sorry. (Ha! No I'm not!) They finally kissed, but what will happen next. Find out next time.

By the way, I thank those of you who reviewed and followed very much. You can thank for the slightly faster update because we have an update deal.

I you think that this fan fiction is coming to an end soon then you are mistaken, I have a feeling that this is going to be one long journey and that it will probably destroy my life so thank you for reading and I hope you continue to read and/or review.


	13. Selfish

A/N Say! Updating time, guys. You know what that means, Phantasms! I hope so any way. I like to think that somewhere someone is reading this and writhing on what flat surface is nearest to them crying about how much of a dick I am. Well, maybe not the last part.

Phil's POV.

For a moment, the act was a surprise and it took me a few seconds to realise what was actually happening. Though I knew it was wrong, for a second after getting over the shocl of his boldness, I kissed back, indulging in the sweetness of Dan's lips before reality kicked in and I'd caught a hold on myself.

A little more roughly than I'd first anticipated, I pushed Dan away from me taking in the slightly confused expression on his now flustered face. Tear marks still stained his cheeks and the sight of the broken man – the one that was now crouched on the floor because of just how hard I had pushed him - almost made me want to comfort him.

_But Dan had done something wrong._

Staring (almost glaring) at my friend, I couldn't control the rage surging through my body as I looked at him, still on the floor. He didn't have the right to mess with my emotions and for once in my life, I was going to say what was on my mind. Well, when I wasn't drunk off my face. No matter who it hurt. Even if it pained me in the process.

"What the hell, Dan?" He closed his eyes, before facing the floor. I carried on with my questioning. "Do you take me for just something to pity, make yourself feel like a good person? Well it isn't fucking working!"His eyes met mine then and even more tears came, if that was a possibility.

Running my hands through my hair out of frustration, I turned away from him, not letting the guilt or the kindness inside leak out due to his innocent looking face. This was my time to say what was on my mind without being drunk. Dan would listen to what I have to say.

"Do you not _understand_?" My aggravation was all too clear as I was almost shaking with the anger and frustration inside. Dan's silence irritated me more than the unexpected kiss did and once again taking a glance at his face, I bit my lip, the guilt was making itself known but before anything could get in the way, I said the same words that I'd said such a long time ago.

"I LOVE _YOU!" _With that, I also broke down in my own fit of tears and despite the past few minutes of me ranting about how much of a dick Dan could be, when his comforting hand reached towards me , I leaned in its direction without thinking and was soon trapped in a warm embrace.

This situation was like a double edged sword, on one end, I loved this man with all of my heart and wanted more than anything to be his and enjoy his offering hand but the paranoid soul inside me almost prevented me to believe that it was even possible for Dan to care that much about me. At that moment, all I wanted was to be able to be angry at Dan and tell him everything that I was feeling but the arm tightly wrapped around my shoulders was enough persuasion to stop me from doing so.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." That was shock response from Dan, I wasn't even expecting to hear an answer, I couldn't even remember the question but his apology sounded so sincere. Making me feel almost better about the whole ordeal.

For what seemed like hours, we just sat there, me trying my hardest regain my dignity and halt the tears whilst Dan sat silently, releasing the occasional thoughtful sigh.

The moment of peaceful hugging ended as I chose to break away before getting too sucked in by his comforting affections.

Standing, I brushed myself off, no matter how unneeded the action had been before awkwardly stretching, ignoring the emotional breakdown that I had just went through. I had hoped that he didn't decide to start following me around to make sure I wasn't suicidal after last time's misunderstanding.

He didn't even seem to notice that I had left his side for a few minutes before he finally looked up with a conflicted expression and a strange request came out of his mouth that I wasn't expecting and definitely was confused by.

"I know that you're probably tired and stuff after, well, that...but, could you just make pancakes with me?" He could have picked any video of ours to repeat or any memory but he had to pick the one that needed the most effort after I had just been through some form of break down?

Was he insane?

I was knackered and really couldn't be bothered to set everything up, something Dan would never do if we were just cooking, and after that experience his pity fo me was all to clear and plus, I'd noticed that keeping his company for too long of a period could be dangerous to both of our feelings.

Making up an obvious but unquestionable excuse, I responded with a small shake of my head before looking at him and answering properly. "Sorry, it's just that I'm tired. Plus, who in the hell makes pancakes at 100s?" The last sentence was supposed to lighten the mood but his face just seemed to sink and I wasn't even blessed with any form of retaliation.

Poor Dan.

Actually no, was he literally messed up in the head? Who in their right mind would ask their friend, who they'd just had a crazy argument with, to make pancakes this late at night? A very weird one.

"Okay then." Dan replied quietly with his head down and a solemn expression was present on his face. I almost felt guilty for calling him weird in my mind. There was something off about his reply. He seemed like he waned to ask something else but was scared to.

That's what spending months trying your hardest to avoid personal interaction with a friend does to you. It makes you scared of what you might say. Even though nothing could really make the situation worse.

Finally, he had plucked up the courage to make his harmless and almost sweet request. Referring to it as sweet probably wasn't the best thing to do when you were trying to forget a shared intimate moment but it was just so fitting to what Dan wanted from me. Especially considering the strains on our friendship recently.

"Then can we just speak? You know, like old times." My heart almost melted and its guard was down. I didn't even notice it being there in the first place but it had been and it was preventing a lot of potential happiness.

Not wanting to deny Dan something so needed or desired, I smiled at him as comfortingly as I possibly could have before nodding. A happy grin and those devilish dimples were my reply which made my heart skip a beat. For some reason, I felt much more comfortable having these thoughts now that I had confessed my love for the second time. Considering I was completely laddered when I had done so the first time.

Me and Dan decided to top and tail on the sofa whilst chatting. Just because it was a good sofa and comfortable to lie down on. Plus, if the conversation got too emotional we wouldn't have to look each other in the eyes whilst trying our hardest to hold back tears.

He started.

"So, How do you feel about your brother?" No expecting such a personal or close to heart topic to start off I just laid there silent for a few seconds before thinking of my answer to the question. Before any words had left my mouth, my throat had gone dry and I had suddenly found myself choked up. The wetness from my throat must have moved towards my eyes because they filled to the brim with tears. That didn't make much sense but it sounded kind of emotional.

Miraculously, I managed to get some words out without bursting into tears. "You know, just...um...sad." Maybe not the greatest answer in the world but at least I didn't just blank Dan. I was strong.

There was now an almost deathly silence. Too dark to be awkward and way too tense to be comfortable. Now it had been my turn to ask a question. I was not going to waste my turn.

"How did you know you were bi?" IT seemed like something so personal but I wanted to understand his experiences. Keeping my own memories of the affects of realising I was actually gay and not just a little feminine boy who 'admired' other examples of my gender.

His answer was put off for a second but I finally heard what he had to say about the subject.

"Well, just how your experience of being gay went I suppose. I had a crush on a boy in my class when I was nine and I skipped PEE. In secondary school because of the intimidation of taking a shower with loads of naked boys. Initially I thought that I was gay but then I fell in love with this girl."

The answer was a little more long winded than I had thought that it would have been but I was satisfied. It was interesting. It seemed that he didn't have as much of a bad time as I had had when in school. Luckily no one had ever actually figured out I was gay but I lost a friend and my brother's respect for quite a while.

I'm not completely sure if I had ever got Martin's respect back.

Dan spoke again. "Who was your first crush Phil?" This was a weird question. I had a pretty good answer though. A fun one that would inevitably make us both laugh. It was that embarrassing.

"Angel." (A/N Buff's vampire boyfriend. Dan laughed slightly before a doubtful but curious tone was used in his response to my amazing first man crush.

"Seriously? As good as it gets I suppose. If you're going to have crazy fantasies about someone, it might as well be about a vampire." Sometimes I was taken aback by just how ambitious Dan was when it came to these subjects. He just said the most awkward things with the utmost confidence always present.

Kicking him in the leg lightly, I laughed before talking back. "Shut up." I was blushing a little bit but still giggling slightly. Not knowing how it had started, we started kicking each other lightly and soon it was a full out foot war and our legs were tangled. We got carried away with a particularly heated fight for dominance and I didn't know which of us fell first but before falling to the ground, I grabbed the first thing that had been there and it just so happened to be Dan. Due to this little reflex we were in a heap on the floor. Our legs were tangled and my body was on his. Fumbling, I worked to get up but was pulled back down again by Dan.

A look of sincerity as well as sorrow filled his gaze as he looked at me and stated a simple collection of words that made me question a few morals.

"Phil, I wish you loved me when we first met." Rather than replying like I should have, I just proceeded to get up. Refusing to delve deeper in this revelation, no matter how much I wanted to at the time. I'd had enough emotional strain for the night and although it sounded selfish, I couldn't be bothered to be supportive.

We'd had enough drama in our friendship to last us forever so I just suggested that we'd do something safe that wouldn't lead to some crazy emotional epiphany or something stupid like that.

Finally, I was back standing upright and decided to lend Dan a hand so he wouldn't think I didn't care or was still annoyed with him for cock blocking me earlier in the night.

After he had accepted the offer, we both sat down and I felt his eyes on me. He was waiting for an answer even though it had been about ten minutes since Dan had actually brought his desire to light. It seemed like he was actually looking for my answer or opinion on what had been said.

What could he have expected me to say to him about something like that? Did he expect that I would empathise? Try to make him feel better about himself and how hard it must have been for him? Well, I had been through too much drama lately because of him and I was not prepared to give Dan any comfort when he had hardly given me any. A ll he had done so far was giving me a kiss that confused the hell out of me and ruined my chances to get away from my feelings for him.

Come to think of it, he'd been quite the dick recently.

Though the soppy part of me would have loved to of cuddled him and said something stupid like; "I'll love you enough now to make up for it!" and then we'd kiss and _then we'd..._I stopped my train of thought here and became serious once again as to drive the subject of Dan heartbreak over the past of our friendship away and replace it with one that doesn't make me think of all of the sex I had missed out on because I didn't fall head over heels for him four years ago.

_That was weird thought._

My plan started off with me putting up a new conversation starter would most likely of worked if I was talking to anyone but Dan. I had kept on trying though.

"Dan, are you buying an X BOX 1? I think I might get a Play Station fo-" He interrupted me once again with his persistance and now was trying to persuade me that he cared about me and wasn't just lying or confused. Everything had escalated quite quickly that night. Good thing that I am not stupid but what he was offering sickened me.

"I'll go over to Mabel's right now and dump her straight out! I swear. That's how much I care! You want me to go? I will, I would do that for you." It was a weird change, him begging me and an extremely confusing one.

It was almost like I was a teenager again and everything was awkward with everyone. Except all of that awkwardness was smashed together in Dan and I wanted to just give in. I would have as well but I knew what was going on and I knew that he loved his girlfriend more than me. If he even loved me at all.

There was a voice in the back of my head, probably my conscience, speaking to me in a soft voice, telling me that I was a good person and shouldn't cause heart break or drama on other people just so I can be happy for a short while.

My conscience was right as well but there was that little ball of desire that had been building up throughout this whole dilemma that would have made me do anything possible to make Dan love me - or atleast pretend to.

Now that part of me had got its wish but was it worth it? He would have broken up with someone he cared about for me and that would have taken nobility and shown his loyalty as a friend but it would end us both. One day we would be regretful beings and despite the temptation, I needed to stop Dan from drawing me in further or deceiving me further.

The argument going on in my mind had taken quite a while in the real world and Dan was still staring at me with an unsure look on his face but as he stared at me, he'd already seemed to know my answer so he just stood up, still wearing his coat and looked me in the eyes with a sincere expression.

"I'm still doing it." With that he was gone before I could have even attempted t stop him and I was upset that he would be a mess of self imposed heart break tomorrow and also, that Mabel would be as well. She would lose probably the best man that she'd ever be lucky enough to have loved her.

Then, a thought crossed my mind, her insane big brother was a danger to anyone who hurt his sister, especially with their history – that Dan probably has hardly any idea about – he'd jump to conclusions...

It won't be anything major but it will make more sense and be less crappy.)

Conclusions that were probably true. Well, half true. It's not like me and Dan actually were sleeping together, though I am gay and that may be a problem in his eyes. Dan was in serious danger and so was I. Plus, he'd also said that Mabel was a little crazy about boyfriends and I hadn't the slightest clue what he had meant by crazy.

This was an unpredictable situation and soon, after the feelings started to settle, the worries grew with my breaths, I was sweating and jittery by the time I decided to warn him that he shouldn't go to such lengths for a failing relationship.

On the other hand, what if Dan had really meant the kiss and really was readyO make us both happy? The negative self loathing side of me had denied it before but then I thought about earlier that night when an envious Daniel Howell had strolled in, throwing my date o the floor in a rage. He was like the hulk.

Could Dan of really meant that? Was he just feeling obligated to make me happy because I couldn't do so for him before. If he had had feelings for me before, maybe they'd been dormant for a while and just now came back.

Though it was a possibility, my insecurities clouded all odds. Everything was just labelled as impossible now and that made me feel like shit.

Being heartbroken was one thing but when you've been drained of all hope it makes every little thing so much worse. I mean, I'd drop a yoghurt and then my mind would spiral into thoughts of me when I am forty and my fans are too old or mature to like me any more.

Screw Dan. I was too tired to deal with thoughts of him right at that moment. I was tired and my thoughts were becoming a bit fuzzy because of the strain the day brought onto my soul. With this in mind, I headed to bed.

There was no feeling like the feeling of cuddling into your covers and falling into the security of dreamland. Unless you're plagued with explicit sex dreams like I was that night. Getting crazy intimate with a stranger and then being interrupted by the love of your life make you a bit rowdy.

Even if it's not too visible.

Dan's POV:

Knocking on Mabel's door was a strenuous act and I was not anticipating what was to come. I was almost already grieving for our lost relationship but I could not continue. One: I was way too confused about my feelings for Phil to be in a relationship with someone I know that I may be in love with. Two: I couldn't deal with the guilt of not onlyissuing Phil behind her back but keeping our situation from her.

We couldn't go no if there was any chance that I could end up actually properly cheating on her. That just wasn't me and some people would say it was noble but it was possibly the most self characteristic I had. Just because I didn't want to feel bad, her feelings didn't really matter that much. Looking at my recent behaviour, no one's feelings seemed to matter much in comparison to my own.

What a dick I am.

She answered after a few raps on the door and was still in her day clothes. It was quite late at night so I was surprised that she wasn't in bed yet but then again, she'd probably been thinking too much about other things. Like how much of an arse hole I am and always will be, despite my efforts.

Ha, what efforts?

Quite the depressing thinker, aren't I?

Mabel looked at me, then she glared, before motioning for me to come in. I shuffled in as quickly as possible. Just quick enough to avoid any awkwardness. There seemed so much more of that present lately in my life.

Considering the usual amount already present, that's quite the amount.

My girlfriend gave me the death glare as I stood still in front of her. She had crossed arms and seemed quite pissed still. I had never seen her this angry before. Even though we have had fights before, none had ever affected her like this. Something about what I had said really seemed to tock her off more than setting her tea towel on fire or dropping a pack of scented candles into the bath tub - I still have quite bad butter fingers.

Then again I suppose this one was just down to me being inconsiderate rather than just clumsy. You can't really be too mad at someone for being a clutz. That was just unethical and everyone capable of feeling knew that.

Starting off with an apology to make the angsty break up that I had saved for later seem better, I let the first sentence escape my mouth and I wondered whether it was the right thing to say as I analysed her reaction.

"I'm sorry, for, you know, being a dick earlier. I really didn't mean what I said. I'm just having troubles with my friend you know." I ended with a sincere and hopefully cute smile and was responded to with a very small and – definitely – attractive smile that almost made me want to not have to do this.

Before I had to make that decision though, I went to say some more. To show how much I really did love Mabel. "I'm not good enough for you. I am really selfish and you have done so much for me..." Suddenly, just because I was so manly, I started to et really emotional and Mabel just looked down as if she wanted to avoid eye contact.

For a moment, just to get my act together, I let the silence leak in. Hoping that she would let something slip now. Just say something to lighten the mood. Doubt was setting in and I was starting to think that maybe this was not the best idea in the world. Truthfully, I did love Phil deep down, well, I wanted him to myself anyway. That's kind of how love works...? However, there was a deep love inside that seemed molded together by Mabel that caused a comforting warmthO settle in my heart whenever she was in sight.

I remember a similar feeling from the days when I had been sure that Phil was the only one for me. The decision was made, I wouldn't end this tonight for Phil. Nothing right now could cause such a leap of faith in feelings. My brain was a sea of confusion at the moment and I would just roll with it. Taking what was to come. As long as I had Mabel.

I still was obliged to tell her about that night though and I was reluctant. The truth was the first step to forgiveness so I suggested that instead of standing around like a bunch of traumatised turkeys doesn't come close to the fun of sitting on a soft surface awkwardly swapping apologies.

When we were comfortably sitting on the sofa I grabbed her hand in both of mine and looked her in he eyes. Hyping myself up for what I would admit to my girlfriend. I was almost like brave heart. Although, I was fighting for myself in a battle against a normal, romantic relationship. It was kind of awkward. I had briefly made out with my best friend who is in love with me and he was the one who stopped it. Come to think of it, I probably should have been embarrassed by being rejected by someone who loved me against all odds.

Maybe some details were best left out.

"First, well, second, I need to give you some background." Giving me confirmation to continue with my awesome story with that subtle movement of her head, I continued reluctantly and soon became tongue tied as the words became harder to get past my lips.

"A while back, like when you and me were just together, Phil tried to kill himself after a fight I had with him." I took a deep breath before dropping the bomb shell on her pretty mind. "He was drunk and said-said t-that... he loved me." My hands were on my face and I refused to look at my girlfriend as I continued.

"Tonight, he said it again but he was screaming at me and I felt so guilty, you know? I didn't mean it...I don't thin that I did..." The last part was very quietly said but she probably had gotten the hint and had guessed what I had done already.

"He's my friend, I felt bad for him, I'm sorry." In an icy tone that made me falter in my stride of truth, I heard her almost heartless response and I didn't know what had gotten into her but she seemed so different.

"What did you do, Dan?" Her face was down and her hand was on my leg, squeezing hard, making me almost yelp from the intensity of her grip. I was frightened of her reaction to me admitting to her my actions but I was even more terrified of what would happen if I would have tried to lie.

Replying was even more difficult than before, which was almost impossible to me. "I kissed him." The details were scarce as they should be. Telling her all of the gory details would be a little weird to say the least.

Apparently weird was unheard of where my girfriend came from because in the same cold tone but with a load more intensity, her response came and her sick desire to hear my the extension of my turmoil and the smallest details of my immense mistake were coming to light.

"What kind of kiss, did you enjoy it?"It seemed like a trick question to be honest and once against I was drowning in fear of what was to come. After what must have been too long of a wait to this woman who I admittedly love and she burst out with another sentence. "Answer me!" Jumping slightly, I quickly put my words together.

"French. I sort of enjoyed it I suppose..." My tone became softer and the volume of my voice lowered considerably as my sentence went on. "Please forgive me!" I broke the oncoming silence and just boldly came out with my request despite my starting intentions from when I had arrived at her place that night, I still had to admit that I loved her so much.

Suddenly she stood up and was in tears; Her stronghold had broken and I felt terrible. Seeing Phil's sad face and Mabel's broken heart both in the same two hours was almost traumatic in the way it was affecting me.

Pointing at me, she started to speak, not making much sense in the mitts of her emotional breakdown, once again, sorrow washed over me as I made sense of the words. What she said destroyed me almost and it was the second time that I had heard it tonight.

"I love you..." Walking towards the kitchen with me on her tail she kept repeating that before frantically looking through the cupboards in her kitchen. Getting more upset as she went on, not being able to find what she was looking for.

As the cause of all of her bad feelings at the moment, I offered my assistance kindly. Deciding to ignore the agonising "I love you"s for the time being as they interfered with my mental state. Which wasn't very good in an important situation.

"What do you need? Just tell me, I'll get you anything, I'll do anyting what do you need?" Her reply struck me and made me fill with a self loathing like no other as I took in just how much some of my selfish antics had effected the person I love.

"I bet that line would work on Phil, after all it's true for him. You love him _so much!_" Her tone was almost vicious but I really could not blame her for hating me at that moment. Something about how she was acting was even worse than just some little crazy response to mybetrayal or even her heartbreak.

Mabel was desperate for something and she couldn't find it. I couldn't tell whether whatever it was would make her feel better or not, it could even cause more damage to her than I did. If that's even possible. Anyone who came in now would have thought that I had beaten her or something.

Which I would never do. Then again, I never thought, even for a second, that I was capable of cheating on anyone, no matter who they were, especially not the seemingly love of my life.

Said love of my life was clawing at kitchen cupboards now and if I didn't want to break up with her earlier, I definitely didn't want to do that now. She was a mess and that was the nicest way of putting. At least then she'd still be something recognisable.

This was a side of her that I hadn't seen and I was happy not to have but now I wished that this whole thing hadn't happened. Feeling this worried irritated me for some reason and because I hadn't really bothered to delve deeper in her personal life, I was watching her crawl around looking for some cure for heart break. I'd just always thought I was her personal life. I had no clue what it could be but if she finds it, I might need some whilst comforting her.

Eventually, she had seemingly found what was needed in her spell self healing but I was scared of what she had found. Looking down, I saw that it was a sealed bottle of Jack Daniels. She was looking for a drink this whole time.

Maybe I wouldn't have gotten her that in her moment of need. That's just because it would make her much worse but when I tried to grab it, she just turned away and screwed off the top. Spinning around, she glugged a load and looked me in the eyes. Both of our faces were tear stained.

Maybe it wasn't the most romantic revelation but she looked awful already. A bottle of Jack would kill her right now. I reached over to her, getting as close as I dared. It was like approaching a deer, I had to make no sudden movements. I would end up startling her.

It was weird when your started comparing your girlfriend to deer.

Luckily, she didn't care much when I approached but slapped my cheek when I tried to grab the bottle away. Then as a daring move after getting over the shock of the stinging hit, I moved forward, engulfing her in my embrace and swiftly separating her from the Jack.

At first she fidgeted and tried push me away but I wouldn't let up. After her attempts failed a few times, she gave up and I started to sway slightly, almost in tears over what I had caused. Just how much pain I had dawned on to the people that I cared about.

I heard the sounds of sobbing coming from Mabel leaning on my shoulder, the wetness just squeezed painfully at my heart. Guilt built slowly inside of me as I pictured all of the crying faces that I had witnessed in my lifetime that I had caused and for he briefest of moments, I wondered whether I deserved to live or whether my life actually held importance in this world.

These thought caused a chain of self doubting thoughts to swerve around my mind for a while.

What seemed like forever had passed before Mabel pushed me away in a desperate action which confused me almost as I wondered why so much had changed since we were hugging and the world didn't matter any more.

The she looked at me with that sorrowful face, eyes gleaming with tears that were being forced not to fall. For some unknown reason, I had a sudden feeling that I needed to fight for something. At that moment in time, I did not know what I was meant to be fighting for but then she looked me in the eyes, not only did I notice the deep set sadness and rage residing in her irises but there was a brave glint before my plan were turned back on its head.

"I don't think we should see each other any more." Then she was gone, down the hall, heading for her room no doubt. Showing myself out, I had to stop to lean against the door, taking in all that had happened tonight. All that I had caused before standing up straight and heading home.

It didn't matter what Phil said now, eh cares if he's my rebound. Nothing matters any more. I've caused so much pain, one more little act of selfishness wouldn't matter too much.

A/N: Hey there! I know I have been gone a while but this was quite a long chapter. I didn't want it to be phan yet but I sped the story up with the kiss last chapter so phan has to happen soon otherwise you guys might get bored. I am really surprised that you all aren't already.


	14. Three Days

Woo! Oh my god, it's chapter fourteen! I have never got to chapter fourteen before on ! It's all because of the lovely feedback and followers! I love you, dear reader!

I hope I can make you cry with this chapter. I know that you'd love that! Not sure how emotional it's going to be but hopefully it will pull on the heart strings.

Phil's POV:

Three days, that's how long I had waited for Dan to return from Mabel's. For the first day just my self doubt had settled in and I had assumed that Dan had not gone through with his plan and chosen her over me in the end. No matter what he had said, I couldn't believe that he would give up on such a good relationship just to make me feel better about myself or fulfil some stupid obligation that he had.

The second day wasn't much different but I was in a sea of sadness by this point due to the blatant rejection received wordlessly by someone that I have loved for months now. It was probably the worst afternoon of my life when I checked my phone to have received no update on my best friend's whereabouts but only an empty heart to solely be filled by laying on the sofa face down, hoping the fabric would maybe absorb my tears.

That wasn't what had happened and there was a wet patch left where my head had been but one great quality to being home alone is the fact that you can cry and scream as much as you want and no one can get in the way. Unless you have one of those irritating neighbours who pry into every little thing that you do. Luckily my neighbours keep to themselves most of the time.

Since Dan was gone all I had eaten was a packet of squares crisps and I had drank boat loads of tea and coffee to keep me awake. I was staying up way into the morning to watch videos with me and Dan in on You tube.

Neither of us had posted a video in about two weeks and maybe people were getting suspicious but I didn't have time for twitter when I was wallowing in my sorrow. Even though that sounded kind of selfish I had no intention of caring because no one mattered to me when Dan wasn't around.

Despite the recent distance between us, I still clung to him like some follower when he wasn't spending time with Mabel. We hardly talked but that would just cause awkwardness anyway. Well, more than what was already present.

Day two brought all of this to light. Just how much I relied on him for comfort even though we didn't communicate properly any more. He was my rock as cheesy as that sounds and I wouldn't want any other but he abandoned me for Mabel and that was very much expected by me.

When the third day had come, I was almost dead on the inside and probably looked terrible on he outside due to not having a shower and only living on caffeine for a two whole days prior.

Something close to joy sparked up inside me though as I left my bed having had minimal sleep and was graced with the sound of my specific ringtone for Dan on my mobile - which was sitting recently charged on my bedside table.

Almost sprinting towards it, I grabbed at it and quickly answered almost fainting when I heard the long awaited grace that is the voice of my best friend. My heart skipped so many beats it seemed like I was going to keel over.

Unfortunately, then I heard what he was saying and how he was saying it. My friend was talking to me, holding back whimpers, speaking too fast for me to comprehend and had such high pitched tone of distress that I almost thought that I was speaking to someone's frantic mother.

"P-Phil...o-oh...I can't...I can't find my phone and I don't see any taxis..." I had no idea what he was doing or where he was but I knew that it was up to me to go and save him. Therefore, I started off by consoling him, speaking in a kind tone and trying to hold back the relief I felt.

"Don't worry, I'll get a taxi to wherever you are, okay?" No memory present in my mind could tell me that such a soft and reassuring voice could come from my mouth but now it was ad I was using it to help the person that I loved to no end.

"O-Okay, Phil..."His breathing had seemed to slow down considerably and that fact made me almost glad but I had to keep going with my questions to find out his location and bring him home after waiting.

"Do you see any road signs or street signs or anything, Dan?" It was as if I was talking to a traumatised five year old. Maybe I could be a therapist or something. Not relevant.

"Yeah...I...um..."He sounded like he was concentrating and the anticipation for his answer was almost killing me. At that moment I was almost desperate to find him so that we could dramatically run into each other's arms.

Finally he spoke once more and with a slightly more confident tone, he told me the street name. His location confused me greatly, he'd somehow ended up in one of the more prestigious neighbourhoods. A pretty weird place to end up, it was like six miles away from Mabel's house.

"Okay, hang in there. Find some café or something to direct my taxi to. See you then." After we had hung up, the realisation that he had called me and wasn't dead somewhere or in the naked arms of his girlfriend made me feel a warm sensation in my heart which made me want to scream out in joy.

My friend, the love of my life did not leave me for someone he'd only known for a few months and most importantly was alive. Alive and sitting in a posh – but safe – housing estate. My brain was over loaded with relief and happiness and the sudden urge to jump in he air and run in circles came, I turned that energy into the influence o get dressed.

Once that chore was done with, I picked up my wallet off of the lounge coffee table and headed toward the door, soon leaving. Soon I was out of our apartment building and riding in a taxi toward the estate. A text was received from Dan telling me about some stupidly named restaurant so I told the driver to head towards it and drop me off there.

Later, I was at my destination. Immediately, I spotted my friend sitting outside of the fancy building with his back hunched and his hands folded in his lap. Not in all of the years of knowing him had I seen him so anxious.

Hopefully nothing too traumatic had happened to him in the last few days. No offence to him but I doubted that I had the ability to deal with too much emotional drama involving someone besides me.

Approaching him hesitantly, I went over my greeting possibly four hundred times. His experience reminded me vaguely of our first encounter. Except, this time, I was the one who was to speak first and honestly, I was terrified.

After what had seemed like an eternity, I was standing directly in front of him and as my first line of action, touched his shoulder gently. His body recoiled almost at my contact before his head arose and his eyes lighted up dramatically when his eyes met mine.

Standing, Dan wrapped both arms around me, instantly exploding into a fit of tears. Some words were escaping his lips but they were almost unidentifiable to me as his head buried itself further into my neck each second, muffling the sound of his voice.

Soothingly, I stroked his back and struggled to hold back my own tears at the situation. Having a grown man blubbering like a baby attached to you almost made you distraught. Especially when that person was your one and only.

Nothing I did seemed to comfort him and I dared not to speak at that moment in fear of ruining I or causing him distress. However, soon words would be needed as rich people from all angles were staring at the two men hugging in the middle of the street, one crying and the other looking helpless.

'Other' meaning me.

I felt helpless as well. Then I found the courage to put my thoughts into words. Hoping that I would somehow have the ability to persuade Dan to follow me to a hopefully close by underground station.

Taxis were always near train stations. Maybe I could have called someone but then I would have o pay more and I didn't have much cash on me.

My first words weren't exactly comforting or deep but they were effective. "Dan, you are going to need to come with me now. I don't think staying in he middle of some posh district is going to help us to get home."

As soon as I had spoken, Dan removed his head from my shoulder and looked to me with his tear stained, tired looking face. He was covered in dust and grass stains. I didn't even want to know what had happened to his hair.

Nodding, he let go of me and sniffed, looking to the floor as I started leading him down the shop ridden streets. To be completely honest, I had no clue where the hell we were going so I looked to my phone for advice, getting directions to a nearby station.

Following a very long journey of map reading, an underground station was in sight after just two miles. Dan had been quiet the whole way and was putting on an emotionless face. Though I knew that he was a mess on the inside.

Just as we arrived, a taxi was waiting at the cab line.

(A/N I have no idea what that place where all of the taxis line up outside of a train station is called. I think it is something like this.)

"Good timing!" I said brightly to Dan as he just nodded. His reluctance to speak worried me but I still directed him to the cab. Sliding into the back seat, followed by Dan, who looked rather bored and grumpy after his emotional breakdown.

Telling the driver the address of our home, he nodded and didn't bother us through out the ride. He obviously wasn't one of the more chatty cabbies. Not that I had a problem with that at that moment in time but I felt heavy tension in the air and was so glad to feel the fresh air on my face when we had reached our destination and were able to get out of the vehicle.

Both me and Dan practically sprinted to the lift of the apartment building. Definitely desperate to get back to some where known and comfortable for both of us where we could confront whatever demon he was facing.

Back into our home, Dan didn't stop to speak and just ran to the bathroom, only two seconds later, I heard the shower turn on and was confused at his urgency to clean rather than speak to me. Him breaking up with Mabel must have really messed him up more than I had expected.

Unless he was still too uncomfortable to communicate properly with me apart from when it suited his needs. Some how that didn't seem to be the case. Probably because only about two hours ago he was bawling and weeping into my shoulder for ten minutes.

Whilst he as in the shower I decided to just sit on he sofa waiting for his appearance but unlike usually, rather than taking ten minutes, he was taking more than forty which worried me.

My reluctance to investigate meant that I went on worrying further until he had spent almost one whole hours inside which hadn't happened since he dropped out of Uni. Something was wrong and I desperately wanted to help.

I didn't.

Instead, I waited for him to come out himself and soon, he had and after coming out of the shower, I didn't see him for a further ten minutes before he showed up at the lounge doorway in his best t-shirt and had straitened his hair.

For a brief second, the perverted side of my brain had hoped that he was trying to seduce me or something. Which, even if he wasn't trying to, he could achieve easily.

I'm a lonely guy.

Any way, Dan smiled at me before approaching with an excited smirk. When right in front of me, gracing me with his very nice scent, he smirked at me and yelled. "Phil, let's do something cool, like go out drinking together, you know, like buddies are supposed to." When saying buddies, there was a teasing tone to his voice and I almost felt as if he was making fun of the fact that he's friend zoned me. Besides that, it seemed like he was being ironic, like I wasn't really his friend.

Something was seriously wrong with him at the moment. His mood had incredibly changed so quickly from a breakdown to some excited guy planning a stag do. Which wasn't the best thing in the world. Then again, I hadn't drank in a while and really needed to loosen up.

Although, Dan didn't seem in the best mental state to be getting shit-faced but I could be selfish. He left me for three days and just had made fun of me. Being rational was not what I wanted to do right now. It wasn't like I was his keeper.

A/N: I don't usually end it at places like this but maybe I should more often considering that this chapter took about two hours less time than usual. Plus, I kind of want to update quicker. I want to see what I write next.


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